‘Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome to the stage. MARK ZUCKERBERG!’

“Wow thanks everyone, what a great welcome, again, thank you. It truly is an honour to be here and talk at you about shit that on the face of it sounds amazing. It will be full of wonder, imagination, technology and all of that stuff that you all write about blindly because you are alone and scared. I get that, but hey look put this Occulus Rift thing.

This is where the real bullshit comes in. See? Now you can see things that you could already imagine, but its not in your minds eye, its in front of you. Could you imagine this kind of shit before? Sure you could! Was it sometimes difficult to express? Sure it was! Was that really a problem? NO! RIGHT? Cool, I have solved another problem that wasn’t really there! Plus this time round, everything will have fucking adverts on it. Fuck yeah’

‘It gets better, I am fucking rich too. No I am, like stupidally rich. Its incredible really. I started off with an idea and it took off, thats cool. The good thing was I then started to scale and build the Facebook in such a way that it provided no real hollistic change to humanity at all! I mean look at the Arab Spring shit! Initially, it was all about social media! I lapped that shit up like a fucking pig for sure, but now? ITS ALL FUCKED. Ha, I have no idea how to fix it either and more importantly I am not interested. I pretend to be, but I really like money and power and adverts and that’.

‘I could go on for days about a whole heap of shit, but frankly I am here to take over Google and Apple. That’s what this planet really needs. So that’s my focus, I am a fucking awful human.’

‘Thanks for your time, and watch me spiral into a pit of generic, billionaire sound bites and conference speeches whilst everyday humanity is crippled by lack of water, honesty, respect and authenticity! KEEP CONNECTED’.

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