How to Get an Emotionally Unavailable Man to Open Up

Marv Dean
Marv Dean
Apr 16, 2017 · 3 min read

He’s hot and he’s cold, he’s yes then he’s no… When a man puts up defensive walls, it makes it much harder to forge an intimate connection with him unless you know what to do or say. If you’ve identified a man as emotionally unavailable and you are still committed to getting him to open up, how do you actually go about softening his hard exterior? In this article, you’ll learn exactly how to get an emotionally unavailable man to open up.

1) Start with the Right Ingredients

It’s really hard to make pancakes without any flour. It’s also difficult to get a guy who is terrified of being open to reveal his deepest self to you. However, just because a man seems guarded or emotionally unavailable does not mean that your relationship is doomed. Everyone has his or her flaws, and you can still work to make a relationship flourish with the right man.

That being said, it really does help if you start with a guy who is already solid and ready to open himself up to you — not a “fixer upper”. Getting a grown man who is interested in you to open up emotionally shouldn’t be as difficult as pulling teeth. Ideally, he will be mature enough to make an active effort to grow with you.

2) Be Emotionally Available Yourself

It can be easy to jump to blaming others. But the truth is, a lot of the characteristics of emotionally unavailable men also apply to women! Take a look at this list of characteristics and see if they apply to you!

If you find that you are “guilty” of these emotionally unavailable characteristics — and we all are, to one extent or another — then try and focus on improving those areas in your own life that you feel you are too closed off in. Doing so will not only make it easier for men that are already a part of your life to drop their guards and be themselves around you, but it will also attract more emotionally mature men to you in general.

It’s very easy to point the finger of blame at the other person in a relationship, but sometimes we have to start with ourselves by looking inwards. Make sure that you are being emotionally available yourself before jumping to conclusions that the man you’re interested in emotionally unavailable.

3) Maintain Your Independence

In love, life and relationships, it’s all about communication and balance. Striking a good balance between intimacy with your partner and the independence of having your own goals and path in life will go a long way to giving your relationship the strength to go the distance. Keep pursuing your passions, and allow him to do the same. This will take the pressure off of him, allowing for a greater sense of comfort and trust with each other. Often times, this trust can be the glue that holds an entire relationship together.

As an added bonus, keep in mind that independent women are sexy women!

4) Move On

We can’t win every battle in life. Sometimes, at the end of the day, we just don’t get the fairytale ending we had chosen for ourselves. If you’ve tried everything above, and he is still completely noncommittal and closed off to you, then it is time to cut your losses and move on to the next.

Remember: There are plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t waste your time or energy on a guy who is just “not ready” yet. It may be hard to move on, but when you’re with the man of your dreams who willingly and fully opens himself up to you, I promise that you will not look back on your decision to move on from Mr. Emotionally Unavailable with regret.

Now you know how to get an emotionally unavailable man to open up — including what ingredients to start with, how to work on yourself and maintain your independence, and even how to move on to a more naturally guy if it comes to that.

Marv Dean

Written by

Marv Dean

Blogger, author and entrepreneur.

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