I run like I always have and always shall.
Breathless.
Cheeks flushed and heart racing a thousand miles.
Reckless.
Impatient to devour the moment.
Vile beast
Smeared in sin with eager eyes homing dilated pupils.
I wait like I always have and always shall.
Wait like a fool in line for a chance.
To be the subject of your infrequent glance.
The others come first.
I really want to go yet miserably want to stay.
I really want to know what I might miss if I go.
And when they are all gone
You say things I have always wanted to hear.
It's perfect. I melt into a sea from snow.
You gave them hours and you gave me minutes.
And to me you have wrapped this time in gold.
And gifted it to me to keep close to my heart.
Mind fuck.
…
I stay till you leave.
In my mind
You always leave first.
Wheeling my way all the dirt.
You know I will wipe it off with a smile
And run after your racing car.
Chasing those golden minutes
You might "really enjoy my company"
But I’m only worth a few minutes of your time.
The rest of the day I hate myself.
You're like a child in a garden
Who plucked flowers
Because he found them pretty
And occupied by more interesting distractions
Left them to wilt.
Their full bloom turned ill.
They died.
In everlasting depths of the night sky
I try to piece myself together
Into a sensible justification
And dig into my true intentions
Can’t come to love myself.
Can’t come to trust myself.
Who am I?
Besides a wilting flower
And a ghost living in the few borrowed
Minutes of your time.
And I only come to the conclusion
That those gold cast minutes are merely
A momentary lapse of reason.
Title inspired by someone’s username online that keeps popping up in my feed and stays with me.
Poem dedicated to…a dear friend.
