Apology

I’m sorry for being

Who I am

And not hiding behind masks of an adulthood

Of perfection

Like the rest.

I’m sorry for being

A glass half empty of water

And the bread crumbs on your white marble

That annoy you,

Although I can silently exist at best.

.

I’m sorry for going places

I don’t belong to.

I’m sorry for going places

I can’t afford.

I was just experimenting where I fit

Wasting my time

On my own accord.

.

I’m sorry that I tried

To push important realization

And replace it

With happiness

I tried fitting, alas!

A circle into a square

I must confess it was a mess.

.

I’m sorry for stealing money

For spending

On temporary people

And temporary pleasures

Struggling to attach a metaphor

To each one

Wishing them to last forever.

I’m sorry for stealing money

To buy cheap crockery

Only to hear it crash when it hit your mocha floor

In the middle of the night

When I would throw it

Plate by plate

With all my might.

And another scream

Would hush inside my mind.

.

I’m sorry for the violent screams

In the car that night

And spilling things

My mind usually keeps secret

I’m sorry the little one

Started crying

It wasn’t me

Even my demons were surprised.

.

I’m sorry for not being

The smell of fresh baked bread

Or the morning rose fragrance

Or anything else that you could relate to.

I’m sorry for not being

Someone you would meet

At a party

Or someone you would meet

At all.

I’m sorry for not being

Enough.

.

I’m sorry

For dying slowly

And not fast enough.

I’m sorry

For so many confessions

When I said

I wouldn’t say much.

I’m sorry

For dyeing slowly

Your perfect white marble

With a stark contrast of red

But I’ll clean up my mess:

.

I’ll wipe off the bread crumbs

I’ll pick up the china shards

I’ve already pushed the square back in

And filled water in the half-empty glass.

I’ll cave in my room and I’m staying

Never going places again.

The blood on your marble, I’ve wiped it clean

Now it glimmers with a sunlit sheen.

I’ve chosen a mask so tell me now

If it really looks good on me.

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated Jewel’s story.