Mama loves me
She gave me her breath
She cradled me in her arms
Ensured I was well-fed,
Attended and comprehended
Timely and wisely
Through a miraculous maternal
Telepathic communication
A love with no conditions
No contracts signed with expectations
Of dated terminations.

Mama loves me not
I am scolded and grounded
Beaten till dumbfounded
Her words still thrash against the bones of my skull
Struggling to escape through the loosening sutures
That tie fragments of my sanity
And keep it together
Her words
So hateful
I have despised myself
So convincing 
I have believed them well
So sharp
They cut through my heart
And ten years later
I’m still bleeding.

Mama loves me
She makes my bed
She makes my food
Tells me to rest
Mama loves me
Caresses my head
Tells me her stories
Hopes and regrets.

Mama loves me not
When she tells me
Not that I’m her least favourite
Or disliked
But when she tells me
I’m repulsive and disgusting
Another name she can take
For an unforgivable mistake
Mama loves me not
When she underestimates
My ideas, choices and accomplishments
Compared to other girls
Mama loves me not
For every time she has denied
My right to my hobbies
Or shot hateful looks
For writing poetry
For every time that she has refused
To acknowledge me.

Mama loves me
For letting me step into Daddy’s house
Mama loves me
For letting me sleep in her bed
Mama loves me
For she gives me money to spend.

Mama loves me not
For she counts days till my departure
Mama loves me not
For suspecting that I spend on cigarettes and drugging pleasures
For holding me accountable
For things I didn’t do
Mama loves me not
For laughing at my dreams
Crashing reality down on me
For every time she has convinced me
That success isn’t meant
For a girl like me.

Mama tell me
At what precise point
This love alas became 
a contract of conditions
Signed with expectations
Of dated termination
And now you pray to a force
For a cold divorce
With your blood
Your breath
Your soul.

Does Mama love me?
I’m counting on the wilting petals
Of the withering flowers
Outliving the rusting roots of our bond
That remain.
She loves me.
She loves me not.
She loves me.
She loves me not.
She loves me.

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