This article is coming weeks later than it should, and while I take responsibility for this I also had to take steps backward and take a look at my own journey. The thing about movies and books is that the author allows us to see the lives of the characters, and thus we become critics, judges and question why a particular character could not simply have gone in a different direction. While this is easy to do how many times have you done that with your life? sat down and really asked the questions you are scared to ask, confronted those areas you rather not discuss and regard them as not important?

I have struggled with writing this because I too have been hesitant to reflect on my choices and life this year. This has helped me perhaps avoid questions that I should face if I were to peel away the layers of every decision and question my own abilities and reluctance to admit an underlying issue.

How do you talk about an issue you haven’t even addressed as a person? it is like telling people what they should be doing whilst refusing to acknowledge that you are in the same rut as they are. It took a casual off handed conversation with my sister to make me see that there were “conversations” that I was avoiding, simply because I am too afraid to admit that some decisions I have taken stem from a place of building a wall of defense from past relationships and becoming downright cynical of relationships and friendships. This in more ways than one affects my ability to connect with people, or even want to network, so I just sit like a frightened mouse in my own space.

Self reflection, taking stock, they are just words and if you are not going to peel away the surface and look deeply into your life you may not for example appreciate the simple things that you take for granted, like when your dad who is dealing with a medical condition and it takes a turn for the better. You get swayed down by all the “bad news”, the this condition has a bla bla success survival rate” and you constantly get sucked into the gloom and doom that it eats into you slowly everyday. The joy that you once felt is suddenly sucked away by fears of gloom and doom.

I have dug deeper and recognized that procrastination has gotten the better part of me and while I may be good at whatever I do, time is an important factor in ensuring that I don’t get bogged down by good ol procrastination. I mean who gets hired by writing “ procrastinates often” on their CV?. Not anyone I know.

There are no fifty steps or Twenty five steps, at least not for me but a resolution and accountability to myself and others to do better, starting with reminders and to do lists that will enable me maximize my productivity and improve my relationship with my friends, colleagues, and family.

Who knows maybe I will admit that I may be hurting from past relationships, which is why the wall exists in the first place..