Power ranking: Positions in Backyard Cricket

Five. Spectator

There really are only 4 things to do in backyard cricket but for fit with the rest of these power rankings, I felt like I had to have 5. Honestly, what are you doing if you’re watching, just field, we need someone at square leg and you’re not doing us any favours by sitting and probably complaining about how cricket sucks. You suck, can't you just do a shit job at fielding and stop being such a wet blanket.

Four. Fielder

A few massive pro’s of fielding, you can have a beer while doing it, you get to yell stuff like “he’s got more misses than Shane Warne!”, you might get a catch or a runout and then you get to bat, but most importantly you are being the glue that holds the game together, we couldn’t play without you, thank you for your service.

Three. Bowler

You would think with how involved you get to be in the game this would be number 2 and it’s a hard choice not to put it there, but Bowling takes effort and that's not why I’m in the game. That being said taking a wicket is one of the great feelings, it proves you are the superior cricketer, you might whip out the Brett Lee chainsaw, maybe you get in the batsman's face like Mitchell Johnson, I like making obscene gestures. It’s also good for impersonations, throw a Malinga or Murali into the mix in a 15 ball over, it’s all fun and games until you throw your back out.

Two. Keeper

The car industry has a lot to learn about the wicket-keeper position in backyard cricket because it has already seen the effects that artificial intelligence can have on an industry, in almost every game of BYC played around this nation an automatic-wickey has taken the role from a hard-working Australian. It’s a true pleasure when you get to be the analog-wickey in a game of BYC and a role I hold dear anytime it comes along. Plus you get to take the odd screamer or stumping which feels very good.

One. Batting

It’s why we play, isn’t it? Walking out into the middle, it’s you against the world, just you and your under 12’s Kookaburra Kahuna against the Bowler and their tennis ball, conditions are tough, the auto-wickey hasn’t dropped one for the 24 years I’ve been alive, the wicket is bouncy and the taped ball is swinging, this is not for the faint of heart. Your eyes narrow in on the ball knowing that this could be your undoing, it looks short and wide, back foot you cut it through point for 4, the tension releases in your body as you do your Steve Smith impersonation knowing that if you fail next ball, you’ll have to go back to fielding which is only the 4th most fun thing to do in Backyard Cricket.