Are you dating your future ex?

I’ve been dating since I was 15. That is a long-time journey and for me was a hard one until here. ’Cause every relationship I’ve ever started was with the intention of getting to the final level, what didn’t happened. I love how the english words fit so well into this context, because neither of them was been really engaged with me.

But, every time I’ve broke up with somebody I discovered patterns in my partners that could show me later which kind of commitment I want to avoid and also now have led me to this list of advices that I will give to you now. Is it your relationship going anywhere?

She doesn’t respect your people

Wanting to be with someone that has a great relationship with your people is great but is not realistic. Everybody has relatives or friends that gets in the way somehow. That’s normal. But when your partner becomes an island and wants you to follow her by swimming, you always will get tired and start drowning.

Even when I saw people that do not apreciated me in her circles, I tried my best to be nice and reach them, but she doesn’t tried so much. So that’s the easiest one tip to see at first: get away from the people that try to take you out of your people just because they don’t want to be involved.

She is not commited with your principles

That was a little blurry for me for a long time, and still hard to identify by myself at first glimpse. Your partner doesn’t share all of your principles, and that’s also a good fact ’cause that way you can fortify everything you really believe and discard all of the rest that was once assumed to be the ultimate rules to you. This sharpens you, makes you smarter.

But when she strives to buy your soul, you’re doomed if you don’t step back.
If your partner always does things that are against your main principles and worst then this, makes you do it or wants you to do it too, is time to rethink the position of influence this person has on you. She’s just not the right person to have a commitment for life, and everything you fought so hard sooner than you blink will be ashes as soon as you let your self be made as her twisted image.

Do not let that happens to you. Search for people that doesn’t need to be the same as you, but aren’t toxic to your own beliefs.

She’s not naturally loyal

That was my antagonist of a lifetime. The art of identifying who’s naturally taking care of me and making me feel confident. Maybe ’cause every relationship starts with two people willing to do this to each other the whole life from that moment on, and do not be naive on this, everyone wants the best for both in a relationship. Sometimes, they just can’t deliver.

And this was really hard for me to admit. That I was being blinded by the chains of a one-sided commitment.

She missed some of my big concerts. She was always late. She didn’t stood by my side in public, always making a fool of me and nobody took me seriously while she kept making funny jokes that made me undervalued. She couldn’t be with others and care about me at the same time. And for her dating is a recyclable status.

Relationships can be healed, but commitments never restored. If you’re trying to get back with someone or break up with her you should have this in mind.

But I always tried to understand what caused that and forget about the sorrows, keeping us in the ship. I begged her many times for change, pointing whatever made me feel that way. Was like patching a cancer.

This was deep and took me years to feel it in it’s higher power of destruction. When I really needed her in a big life crisis, her unnaturally loyalty became infidelity and abandonment.

If you ever felt like your partner is not being naturally supportive but always needs a little push to start recognizing you, well… Someday this person will push you too, down the river.

From the day I saw each of this things I decided to never let me get involved with someone that showed some of this three behaviours. And I hope by the end of this text you allow yourself to be free of this future bad relationships too. Use this as a head start, but add whatever it needs until you feel that this is finally matching with your needs and thoughts.

And do not accept less. Because love is what the love does.

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