I feel as though I was brought up with the expectation that having a family would only minimally impact my career, as much as you need to give birth, get to know your kid and recover from a couple of months of no sleep.

A number of things surprised me after the birth of my son, none more so than the overwhelming feelings of love for him. Of course I expected to love him, but I did not expect the protective mother feeling, the same ones I guess magpies have when they dive bomb you for walking near the nest. Even the thought of sending him off to daycare as a young baby made me feel sick to the core. Not knowing what he was doing, what he was eating, learning, feeling, the thought of childcare brought up horrible feelings of abandonment and failure. The germs also terrified me, I am no clean freak, and our wee man has been sick several times, but the endless nusery bugs I just can’t even begin to tolerate.

On the other hand, I have had a life time of being taught that ‘girls can do anything’. Career is the new family, we should be setting a good example to our children. A lot of people say that they choose to go back to work so they can “use your brain”, and “have adult conversations”. Not going back to work is shameful, it’s too easy. Nursery never hurt anyone, you don’t remember anything at that age anyway.

Forget the reality for a moment, financial reasons to go back to work or contractual requirements. If there genuinely is a choice between work and motherhood — which one are we really supposed to take?

I am sitting here with a 16month old baby, so far, I haven’t gone back to work. I started part time work with a part time nanny, but working remotely and infrequently is not easy, and most of my free time is now catching up on laundry, housework and the occasional bout of exercise. I thoroughly love being a mother. I don’t often miss work, the conversations or the use of my brain. I do, however, find myself often justifying myself to others. “Oh, I didn’t really like my job”, “There aren’t any nurseries nearby that meet my exacting standards”, “at the end of the day you’re not earning enough to cover childcare costs anyway”…

I think it is time to finally say, no, I am not going back to work. I am a mother and for the next 2-5 years I’ll be a full time one. Work can wait. The sense of freedom and relief is great. I know that I am lucky to have this option, but I also know that no matter what, my kids will never wish that I’d gone straight back to work.