Top 3 Reasons To Live Near An Airport

I’ve recently moved into a home near London’s Heathrow Airport and golly there sure is a lot of air traffic. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Wouldn’t living next to an airport be a frustrating & miserable existence?” The answer is no! Here are my top reasons why:

1. It’s Good For Your Sleep

I’m aware of the consensus that aeroplanes are supposed to be these great big louts that tear through the sky, but in fact they are quite the opposite, something I quickly learnt as I tried to drift off to sleep beneath a barrage of jet powered fuselage. You see — it’s all a matter of perspective — sure, you may complain about the sound of a Boeing struggling to get up off the runway, or, you can simply embrace the audible beauty of modern aircraft mechanics.

Take my attitude for instance; I choose to compare the whirring of aircraft engines to the soothing gush of an ocean current and, for my efforts, am propelled into a level of sleep so deep that I awake feeling unbelievably refreshed and invigorated every morning. My neighbors all agree, the man living down the end of my street has aircraft flying so low above his roof that it violently rattles the entire structure of his home — ‘it’s like being rocked to sleep by a summer breeze,’ he says.

2. It’s Good For Your Health

There is a fine soot-like substance that lightly coats the surface of my outdoor window sills, do I worry? HAH! — only a fool with facts and data would ever be concerned about such a thing. The precious element that lines my windows is ‘jet fuel residue’, the fancy science name for what is essentially plane fart dust. Some slippery hippies might try and convince you that anything fuel related is bad for human consumption, but these are the same people that want you to drive flowers to work and hug your kids, so why should you listen to them? As someone who actually basks among the glory of powdered fuel, let me tell you that the effects have been nothing but positive.

Firstly, my skin is now clearer than ever thanks to the exfoliating properties of the air I live and breathe in. Second, I am no longer susceptible to chest infections or any other nasty coughing symptoms due to the fuel forming a protective tar shield on the inner lining of my lungs. Not a single negative result has surfaced amongst me or anyone living here, so the next time an ‘environmentalist’ tells you that a coal mine shouldn’t be built next to a school, take the time to remind them of the possible health benefits fossil fuels can provide.

3. It’ll Make You Happier

People label events like childbirth as a ‘miracle’. Giving birth is a natural process, anyone can do it, but not many people are capable of captaining a levitating iron bird — or as I like to call it, ‘the miracle of flight’. From the comfort of my bedroom I am able to gaze out of my window and witness this miracle majestically cruise past on a regular schedule. Scientists believe that witnessing a miracle will improve your mood & can drastically reduce the appearance of wrinkle lines. At the rate I’m going, (approx. 88 miracles a day) I’m set to become the world’s happiest baby-faced man.

So there you have it, a definitive set of reasons for moving next door to your nearest flight hub. Be sure to check out my other lists such as “Top 10 Reasons To Ride The Tube In Peak Hour” and “6 Ways To Give Wrong Directions To Tourists”.