Starting to Feel Disillusioned
Written by Raimondo Spano
Co-edited by Jesse Gotfrit
Starting 2 feel disillusioned with the fact that social media has become a viable source for self expression and how much social currency can affect me on a daily basis.
I find myself consumed by the process of creating an ideal online persona to show the world. I see myself and my value as this creation.
Can someone curate an honest reflection of who they are with social media?
I was raised on the Internet. I got Facebook when I was 12. I have never truly lived in a world without it. Everyday growing up, I would check social media as a daily ritual, and it became as much a part of my existence as socializing in actual life. This concentration on invented avatars as opposed to real interactions created an idealization and glorification of my peers. I could feel myself become anxious and reserved when I had to present myself towards them irl because I felt I was interacting with their online persona; someone highly curated and without flaws. Furthermore, it made me doubt and hate myself, as I tried to come to terms with the dissonance between who I actually was and who I presented online. On the other hand, I found myself denouncing people, whom I may have never met in person, if I didn’t feel attracted to who they were on the internet.
By making an avatar on social media, you distance yourself from a more genuine version of who you are, and start to put faith in a false reality in which your flaws and problems are washed out. Insecurity and alienation come from always seeing through your own facade and understanding the inherent falseness in your online presence. However, as you absorb other people’s online personas, you believe that their idealized impersonations are an accurate portrayal of their lives.
Only now, after 3 months of being largely inactive online, can I see how much of a negative impact social media can have on my life. However, I believe that being completely disconnected is not the answer. I think that social media is a tool that can bring a lot of joy into a person’s life, and is also a powerful, efficient way to connect with many people.
I could not share my views concerning social media with you without going on social media. This is the trap of my generation: how can I use this tool to benefit myself and others without being separated from life? I am trying 2 figure it out.
I want to find a middle ground, so that I can continue to share and connect with people. I want to be aware of how I can remain genuine and not fall headfirst into a world I’ve fabricated. But, I want to be aware of how unhealthy and disturbing the cultivation of an online persona can be to someone’s mental healthy, self-esteem, social life, everything.
If I am active online, I would like to take the perfection out of my presence. I want to be proud to present myself as human and unashamed of my humanity when it fails to rival idealism. If there is one thing that I want to show people it’s the value of truth, however ugly or uncurated it might be.