Five Unsurprising Facts About The Senate Health Care Bill

  1. Protects coverage for middle-aged white men who breathe like an elderly pug when they’re on the can.
  2. Specifically pulls coverage from people “who aren’t like ‘poor poor’ but have to choose weekly between doing laundry and putting gas in their Toyota Yaris.”
  3. Is printed on the prepared skins of people who died because they refused to use a healthcare system promoted by and named for a black.
  4. Had several references to “offering these new souls to the Dark Sultan who rules Sheol, He who hath made himself our master and lord” removed.
  5. Includes an emergency provision for coverage for cartoon characters in case they become real like in Roger Rabbit.
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