Conversation with My Wife (05)

Lies, Damn Lies, and seriously how can you *not* know I’m making this up?


I cannot lie to my wife.

Well, I can, but not well. Not well enough for her to believe me. So I have to jockey around the actual factual misstatement, and that never goes well. The few times I’ve thought I’ve gotten away with it, I found out later she was on to me but she let it go.


It’s only a lie if I want her to believe me; if I don’t care if she believes me or not, it’s not a lie, it’s a story. And I can tell my wife great stories.

ME: <sorting through mail> “We got a letter from church.”

DEB: <busy with something and half-listening> “Oh? What do they say?”

ME: “Dear Deb and Jack, How are you? We are fine. As you know, Advent is coming up soon, and we know everyone is looking forward to singing Advent carols at the Advent services. This year we are putting on an Advent cantata series, where each week one additional choir member will be set afire to help illum—”

DEB: “WAIT! WHAT? GIVE ME THAT!” <grabs letter and reads it> “They just want to remind us about the Advent offering this year!”

ME: “Yes, but they do that every year, so I thought I’d spice it up.”


I have no idea. I’ve been doing this since we got married, so it’s not like she shouldn’t be expecting it by now.

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