My husband says, “I have strong beliefs loosely held.”

Hmmm. In our household, the conversation would be more like:

Jackster, have you seen my water bottle? It’s over by you, I think.


Have you tried looking up your butt? It might be there.

Deb (getting a pitiful look on her face):

It’s because of my big butt, isn’t it? There could be a water bottle. There could be a bunch. I COULD HAVE A STUPID CASE OF STUPID WATER BOTTLES UP MY BUTT BECAUSE I HAVE THIS BIG GINORMOUS BUTT, THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO TELL ME, RIGHT?

Me (walking over with water bottle):

No, honey, I love your butt! It’s perfect!

Deb (giving me a quick kiss):

Thanks, Jackster, I would have walked over there to get it, I just wanted to check first.

I pick my battles (skirmishes, even) with my wife very carefully.

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