Fuck, I’m so fucking depressed

What the fuck.

I’m fucking depressed.

Fuck’s sake.

Who thought this ‘life’ thing was a good idea? It seems like a prolonged, cruel joke with a million perpetrators - i.e. most people and objects, God, the universe, fate, Zeus, Apollo, Jehova etc. - and only one victim: me.

What the fuck.

How do you do it? How do you keep slogging on day after day against this relentless torment called ‘life’?

I’m fucking sick of it.

Every day introduces a brand new platter of unpleasant emotions, difficult choices, pain, discomfort.

Actually I’m not that depressed anymore. Now I’m angry at how I keep getting depressed.

What is my purpose on this little planet of misery? Surely it’s not to keep repeating the same boring and unhappy mistakes and slipping into the same depression-inducing routines.

Some fucking knob is going to tell me that “no no depression is when you can’t feel ANYTHING, not when you feel sad etc. because the big psychology text book said so”. I don’t care for your bullshit pedantry. You get the idea. I’m fucking sad and hiding away from people and retreating and unable to do anything a normal person can do.

Fine maybe it’s not the LITERAL definition of depression. But it’s close enough isn’t it? It’s not my fault, it’s the English language’s fault. We don’t have enough words to cover the many varying shades of negative emotions we feel. And it seems as literacy drops so will the amount of people jumping on the ‘depression’ bandwagon, when in fact they’re feeling ‘a dark melancholy tinged with a hopeless and bleak sadness’.

I’m sick of all these decisions I have to make day after day that are so infinitely complex it makes my head hurt so I don’t make any decisions then I feel like shit and lonely and sad but I can’t decide what methods to use to overcome my feelings of shit and loneliness and sadness (self help book or exercise or find some fucking friends?) so I just get stuck in a perpetual loop of misery. This is what I’m feeling right now. Where’s the word for that?

Anyway here’s my bullshit whiny article, feel free to send me some hate mail about how pointless and whingey and sweary this article was.