The only gift he ever gave was chlamydia.

Abbott commented that after “Scottie” had particularly impressed him with an act of cruelty that morning by burning a small child with a lighter while her mother wasn’t looking and then snarling at the mother to keep her “monkey” under control he had decided that he was best suited to crush the spirit of Australia’s poor and vulnerable. “I’d like to give the most desperate in Australia a gift,” Abbott began “The gift of certainty. They deserve to know that the next two years will be filled with the unspeakable horrors that led people fleeing war zones to attempt to kill themselves to escape the camps Scottie ran.”