What To Read (Or Not) When You’re Expecting
One of the first things I did when I started trying to become pregnant was look for books to read. If all went well, I figured, my body would be going through something equal parts fascinating, exciting, and terrifying. I wanted to be prepared. I also wanted to avoid those horrendous mommy message boards at all costs. At best, they’re annoying Internet rabbit holes where everyone speaks in code: “I’m a FTM and my DH and I were TTC with DD for three months.” DD? FTM? WTF?
At worst, those mommy message boards are fear-mongering hellscapes of the Internet where people with no medical training whatsoever dole out health advice based on their personal experiences. No thanks! If I wanted medical advice from a quack I’d watch Dr. Oz.
However, books aren’t always that much better.
Conventional wisdom suggests every mom-to-be should pick up What To Expect When You’re Expecting. It’s so famously considered the pregnancy bible that there’s even a movie loosely based on it.
However, I’d been warned: What To Expect is considered helpful by some, but only a step above those dreaded Internet message boards by others. I had enough anxiety about the trials and tribulations of trying to conceive as it was. I knew I’d be a paranoid pregnant person. I didn’t need to add fuel to that fire. I took a pass.
I picked up a few books prior to getting pregnant and read the initial chapters on trying to conceive and the early stages of pregnancy. I didn’t want to get too far because — although this type of belief goes against everything I *actually* believe in — I thought reading too much about pregnancy would “jinx it”.
Once I was actually pregnant I expected to receive some pamphlets and stuff from the doctor. Nope! When I saw my family doctor around five or six weeks pregnant, she offered no advice. My husband asked if there was anything we should know, and we were told “You know, the basics. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t eat sushi.” At my initial 12 week visit with the OB-GYN, she suggested I read What To Expect.
So, what did I read and how helpful were the books? Here’s my completely unprofessional reading list advice.
Expecting Better by Emily Oster
This book came up in conversation years ago, when a friend of mine was expecting. I made a mental note to buy it for myself, because it’s written by an economist and my husband is an economist. I selfishly hoped it would help him see that I could eat a little sushi.
This book isn’t for everyone, but it certainly helped me. I like to see facts and figures. During my first trimester I was constantly Googling miscarriage rates by week. This is a great book for helping your reeling mind keep things in perspective. It also delves into a lot of pregnancy “rules” and why they exist. I wish Emily Oster would write a follow-up book about babies and children, because I loved her well-researched approach.
Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman
This was another recommendation from a friend, and I’m glad I bought it. It’s a book about how babies are raised in France, which frankly, sounds great. The pregnancy section is pretty small, and I plan to return to this book soon for more advice on raising my now seven month-old daughter. For first-time parents who are worried that their lives will devolve into utter chaos after having kids, it’s nice to get an alternate perspective.
The Pregnant Athlete by Brandi Dion, Steven Dion, McIntosh Perry, and Joel Heller
I’m not a serious athlete by any means, but I do work out regularly. I wanted reliable advice on how to adjust my exercise routine throughout pregnancy, and alternate ways to keep fit when things like sit-ups or running are off the table.
The author is a serious triathlete who worked out more while pregnant than I ever would in my day to day life, but I found the book to be a useful guide and liked that it included advice from a doctor. I think I remained active longer during pregnancy than I would have had I not read this book. I kept jogging until about six months, when it became too uncomfortable to continue. When bootcamp-style workout classes became too difficult to adjust to accommodate my belly, I switched to barre classes.
The Mother Of All Baby Books by Ann Douglas
Some time during the second trimester, my husband and I realized we’d read a lot about pregnancy but knew nothing about actually caring for a child. So, I started researching books about keeping a baby alive.
I like having this book onhand when I want to read about something, but prior to having a baby I just skimmed it a little. I didn’t want to read about every possible thing that can be wrong about a newborn baby. There’s a whole chapter that could basically be titled “why your newborn baby is so ugly”. I skimmed the terms but skipped the description, knowing I could always refer back to it in the hospital if any of those issues arose.
I liked this book because it’s focused solely on babies (I’ll get a new book on toddlers when that time comes) and it’s Canadian. The American medical system is different (read: pricier) than ours and advice doesn’t always apply.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Newborns by Elizabeth Pantley
I bought this book on a whim, after reading a recommendation online. It was a mistake. No, seriously — I bought the newborn version of this book by mistake, I meant to get one for older babies. Tiny newborns don’t really need sleep solutions and the book’s advice is basically, like, “go with it”. In the first four months of her life, my daughter slept well at night but only napped on long walks. I went with it. I didn’t need a book.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth
I bought this book upon a recommendation from my sister, who has twins about a month older than my daughter. This book helped me understand when my daughter was ready for “sleep training” and told me how much the average baby sleeps. I was lucky, and my daughter took to a sleeping schedule quite quickly. But without a book, I wouldn’t have known how to approach it.
What’s next?
I’m definitely not someone who will only read parenting books after having a child. But when a title intrigues me, I’m willing to check it out. I recently ordered The Danish Way of Parenting, which sounds very similar to Bringing Up Bébé — an American columnist moved to Denmark, married a Danish person, and wrote about parenting norms there. I was a big fan of Cup of Jo’s “Motherhood Around the World” series long before I became a mom because I find cultural traditions and differences endlessly fascinating. I also bought It All Begins with Food by Leah Garrad-Cole, which is about feeding babies and children. I love cookbooks, and my kid loves her brand of store-bought baby food, so this was an easy purchasing decision.
Although I’ve still occasionally fallen down an Internet rabbit hole Googling things like “why does my baby keep fake coughing” or “how to make your baby like avocado”, having a well-stocked bookshelf has kept me from going completely crazy.
