Published in The Weight of Desire·PinnedMember-onlyWhen Childhood Trauma Steals the Good StuffSome nice memories before I became uncomfortable around my father — The relationship with my father was troubled, so I could not soften into the parts that otherwise may have been nice. I recall a few moments of comfort. One was sitting on the black, round chair in the den, perhaps I was on his lap. I was telling him I…Emotional Abuse7 min readEmotional Abuse7 min read
Published in The Weight of Desire·PinnedMember-onlyDivorce and Its ReverberationsLike an earthquake turning into rubble — A bunch of things changed, were shifting around me, and us. He asked for that, I offered this, not exactly that. I asked for this, he agreed to this, but not exactly that. Fill in the blanks. Let your curiosity go wild. We were no longer really on the same…Divorce3 min readDivorce3 min read
Published in The Weight of Desire·PinnedMember-onlyWhy My Marriage EndedThe hows, ifs, and buts of a match we believed was made in heaven — We were the perfect couple. Yes, that was stated about us by friends and family. Well, people grow and change. I have written much about my divorce — but mostly the good stuff. This has made others curious as to why the marriage ended, if the relations are as fine…The Weight Of Desire10 min readThe Weight Of Desire10 min read
PinnedMember-onlyHop on Over to My ListsFor anything you have missed — I have twelve Lists displaying a wide selection of stories I’ve written on Medium. I thought it worth dedicating a short story to this fact for readers, old and new, who have enjoyed my work, but may not know of all the things on which I write. Pins are useful…Writers On Medium2 min readWriters On Medium2 min read
Published in About Me Stories·PinnedMember-onlyAbout Me — Jill EngOften surprised by life, accepting the flow — This is an introduction to Jill Eng. Well, the full name is Jill Spiewak Eng (in fact Jill Ellen Spiewak Eng). Why all the names? When I got divorced, I decided to keep my married name, since I had less emotional strife with my ex-husband than my father and wanted…About Me4 min readAbout Me4 min read
1 day agoMember-onlyBe on Your Own SideIf not you, who? — It is easy to fall into the mental trap of self-criticism. Negative self-talk, as it is nowadays referred to. It makes sense, because that is what the mind naturally feeds us. Buddhists have their explanation for this, as do many psychologists. In any event, it isn’t difficult to notice it. …Personal Development3 min readPersonal Development3 min read
2 days agoMember-onlyI Have No More Control Over Seeing Him Than He Does MeWhen life gets in the way — I have no more control over seeing him than he does me Though from each other’s end it certainly feels we do I can’t give what he needs He can’t deliver what I wish It is peaceful though Just life circumstances And personality deformities — if one must resort to…Love2 min readLove2 min read
Published in The Weight of Desire·2 days agoMember-onlyRejecting Touch From the One Who Ignored You All AlongA painful dismissal on my end — I felt her try to touch me Offer some affection from her demented mind Neediness is what came through But in the real years of a clear head she had nothing of the sort to offer It made me cringe and readjust my pose Not being available to her stroke or grope whatever it…The Weight Of Desire2 min readThe Weight Of Desire2 min read
2 days agoMember-onlyWhat To Do When Feeling Pressure to Write on MediumI marvel at what I have already produced and relax — I look back to all the stories I have produced on this platform — in the last five months — and appreciate the abundance of storytelling that has emerged from my fingers. It is so easy to focus on what I haven’t yet completed, what I need to write, how…Writing4 min readWriting4 min read
Published in Mindful Reality·3 days agoMember-onlyThe Past Is Over and the Rest You Do Not KnowStop believing you are a fortune teller — It feels like there is a way to know the future. There really is not. At least not with any detail. We know we will pass, and perhaps one has been given news that it is coming sooner than later. But even that is a guess in terms of specifics. …Mindfulness3 min readMindfulness3 min read