Stop Worrying About People Judging You

3 Skills to Master

Today, I want to talk about the power of the Peanut Gallery.

Last week, I held a Periscope about online fitness business, specifically how to get over your biggest self-doubts and start producing the results you know you’re capable of. Many of the women on the call were either fitness professionals already (in the gym, doing time-for-money) or fitness enthusiasts who have had their own success and now want to help others.

This is a great place to begin with any pursuit: passion.

Passion is contagious. It’s exciting. It’s fun, and it gets you charged up to begin creating something bigger than yourself, like a blog, a brand, a Facebook business page or an online program.

But passion alone does not a business make.

Passion gets you started, but the thing that keeps you going — and is much more important, at least in the long-run — is a combination of confidence and conviction.

When I asked the women on the call to tell me the #1 thing that’s holding them back from following through on that seemingly risky project or new business, a good chunk cited, “Scared what people will think.”

This is understandable, right? People don’t get it. They question you because what you’re doing looks weird and even a little too optimistic or intangible. People tell you, “Be realistic!” and ask, “You really think that will work? Other people are already doing that.”

My parents — I love them — still don’t really know what I do, ha! Just last week they asked, with genuine curiosity and a little confusion — “So, how do people, uh, find you?”

A good question, really! How do people find us? Welp, we put our creation out in the world in a really big way, and then we keep putting it out. Day after day. Year after year. We don’t stop writing our message online. We don’t stop talking about the things that fire us up. We don’t stop writing and videoing and posting on social media.

The internet gives us dozens of tools so that “people can find us.” If … we continue saying that thing we want to say, loudly and consistently.

And when we’re worried that people are judging us or think what we’re doing won’t work (especially those we love and want to be proud of us), we tend to not say it so loudly. We tend to not say it so consistently.

Anxiety over what others think about us — in any realm — is a huge obstacle to action.

One thing that was really interesting, which I also asked on the call was, “We all tend to have that ONE person we worry about when we are doing our new thing — we’re worried they’re judging us and wonder what they’ll think. For me when I started, it was some of my extended family. Who is it for you?”

Answers included:

• My grandfather
• My boyfriend’s sister
• My cousin
• An old teacher
• My own personal trainer
• This other trainer at my gym
• My aunt
• My neighbor’s daughter

This is actually freaking hilarious if we think about it rationally, right?

While our feelings are always valid, and I certainly get it because I struggled with this too at the beginning, if I’m scared of what my brother’s girlfriend is going to think about me starting a blog and writing some words on a screen, I am actually insane. My brother’s girlfriend is not my customer. She’s probably not going to read my stuff. She’s actually not interested in the content. She is, and I say this in the kindest way possible, a nobody as it pertains to the success of my business.

And yet we give these people so much power. People close to us, other bloggers, our peers, “society,” the online space, trolls, haters, whoever.

We allow for the potential for negative judgment to keep us from taking action on something we care about.

So how do you get over the nonsense? How do you surmount the fear of judgment? How do you navigate the negative?

Here are 3 tools to master so you can stop second-guessing yourself and finally get the results you say you want:

1) Don’t try to impress your peers.

This is tough because at first we want to prove ourselves. We want to prove our place among the influential. But those who are making waves are not influential because they got recognition from their peers (most likely that came later) — they’re crushing because they are serving their audience.

And your peers are not your audience. They are not your customers and chances are, they are so worried about who’s readingtheir stuff that they definitely aren’t reading yours. The only people who’s stuff I read in the industry now are my BOY gals, because I am invested in their success. I love my colleagues, many of them are now great friends, but hey, they’re doing their thing and serving their audience, not writing for me, as it should be.

The only people you should be trying to impress are the ones who are showing up. Cater to them, help them, create solutions FOR THEM. Everyone else shouldn’t even be on your radar.

2) Fake it till you make it.

This is cliché, but when you are just getting started, perception is so important. Why? Because everyone starts at scrub level. Of course they do, I did too. No one has any money. No one knows what they’re doing. Everyone has a million self-doubts. We’re all the same.

So be the ONE who appears as if they know what they’re doing. And how do you do that? By taking action. Doing stuff. Announcing shit, and then following through on it.

In my most recent Periscope, I asked the girls to put themselves on the hook in the next 15 days. What does that look like? Saying you are doing something, putting a date out there and then actually doing it.

Don’t wait until you’re ready. Jumping before you’re ready is the tool that helps you take more action, even when you are fucking terrified. Put it on the calendar. Tell all of Facebook that your ebook is coming out December 15th. Send an email to all your friends and family to tell them about a 30-day Instagram series you are launching next week. Write a blog introducing your “30 Days of Fat Loss” — in which you will blog daily for the next 30 days — and share it all over the place.

Ready, fire, aim, aim, aim … you don’t need to see all the steps to take the first one.

People respect doers. Doers get noticed: “Oh, did you see Susan’s blog? She’s doing some awesome stuff!” What she’s doing it something. Something consistently. And people take note, and the perception is that “It’s big! It’s growing! It’s a thing! It’s important!”

Don’t wait. Act “as if” right now.

3) Assume the best and practice giving others the benefit of the doubt.

This is my go-to tool and one that has served me over and over again in many situations. Remember, our insecurities like to defend themselves. So when there’s something we are already insecure or sensitive about, our mind will begin to take everything personally. Your mom asks you how your blog is going, and you think she’s subtly insinuating you’re a failure. A friend asks about your business and it just feels judge-y. Whether it is or not, is not the issue. Who cares. Your response is what matters. Do you assume they are being kind-hearted and just genuinely interested? Or do you make it mean they think your stuff sucks and you might as well give up.

There is tremendous power in your response.

I always first assume that people are being curious, kind and interested, not malicious or judgmental. This is a choice. And if the desired outcome is more action on your part, and continuing to elevate, then I see zero reason why you’d assume anything else. Who cares if they have an opinion, even a negative one? Has nothing to do with you. Assume the best and move on.

Okay? Okay!

I know that’s a lot, but I want to make sure you have some real, tangible tools to begin taking action. I hate that so many of us play scared. I understand why we do, but life is too short to stress about the opinions of those either not putting themselves out like you are, or who insist on finding reasons you’re not good enough. Even if that person is you.