May 11, 2020
1 min read
10 Things I Learned Quarantined
1. My shirts and shorts have become dust rags walking.
2. I can now go to work in underwear and flip flops.
3. Venturing out is like a Cold War trip from West to East Berlin.
4. My refrigerator has become my quarantine bitch, taunting me to see what is inside, again.
5. An Under Armor shirt can be worn eight weeks before it implodes as “bio waste.”
6. According to daily HGTV shaming, my house is a Mid-Century hovel in need of marble countertops, walk-in showers and hundreds more decorative pillows.
7. It is easy to forget to shower when you are going nowhere.
8. Household dust has been hiding in plain sight — who knew!
9. My bathroom mirror reflects a homeless man in search of a comb.
10. Procrastination is no longer a legal excuse.
