Not my actual bed

I stripped the bed for my normal Saturday laundry routine. I saw a creepy crawly thing scurrying across the queen size mattress.

I am average when it comes to cleaning, taking care of vacuuming and using disinfectants on surface areas. I am by no means a germophobe believing that natural immunity stems from fighting off the odd germ or two and that overusing hand sanitizers might weaken that immunity.

I am wrong.

I have bed bugs.

Imagine the shock. I never would have thought. I was single and living on my own while in graduate school. I was married for 26 years and never had an issue. I have been single again for the last 9 years and until yesterday thought infestation such as this was a malady of seedy hotels; the kind you rent by the hour.

What to do?

Trusting Google, I learned more that I wanted to know. All kinds of sprays, toxic and not, with and without aromas, and then there are the exterminators. The first link looked promising. Non-Toxic, promising to execute the little critters and their incubating offspring on contact and solve my problem! The site even had a chat feature which I eagerly clicked.

“Where can I find your stuff?” I typed eagerly. “Use our link and order,” was the response. “I have the little buggers now!” “We deliver in 3–5 business days.”

“What I am supposed to do?” “Vacuum”, was the reply.

I x’ed out of the window and hit up Lowes and Home Depot dot coms. After seeing adequate options and before leaving I got out the vacuum and flipped the mattress and went to work.


The buggers I could see got sucked up. The future generations less so as the eggs adhered to the mattress fabric. Then I remembered I had a can of Raid and while not specific for killing bed bugs, I figured it was good enough for the bugicide that I was about to commit.

I sprayed liberally wherever I saw any trace of my new roommates that I hadn’t sucked up. I went to the laundry with the sheets and based on the research, washed on the hottest water setting. I took the extended wash options in order to ensure my vengeance would be complete.

I avoided the bedroom while the wash was running and continued my on-line inquiries hoping to find more vicious ways to complete my murderous intent.

When I returned to investigate the results there were motionless specks that were more easily vacuumed, but the survivors had taken to climbing the walls.

Yuck. This is not going to be easy.

I attached the wand to the vacuum and sucked in each and every one that I could see. I was beginning to feel empowered. I was winning this battle. I needed to win the war.

I slept on my couch and this morning I couldn’t see anything creepy. Today I will work on prevention. I am on a mission.

I have to De-Yuck my place.