You’re reviewing your fictional patron with the same vitriol you admonish him for in this article. The very first words you write are clearly meant to degrade his physical appearance (you’re calling him ugly), not long after you attack his manhood (shouldn’t you be fucking your wife right now like a REAL man?), and you end the piece by implying he has psychological issues. You destroyed any credibility that you intend to treat reviewers with the respect you’re crying about here. You’re a bartender in the year 2016 and social media exists, and it’s not going to be all selfies with your besties and #bestdrinksever hashtags.