Rob Killed Himself

He missed the internet.

Rob killed himself.

If I remember correctly, he shot himself with a gun.

I don’t know why after two and a half decades I thought of Rob. Maybe it was because my memory was sparked by a VICE documentary on euthanasia and the option to end life, or maybe it was because I recently watched Robin Williams in a 2014 movie called Boulevard, and he too eventually killed himself, not in the movie, but IRL.

Who knows what opened the door to that part of my brain attic with boxes labeled, “Suicide People.”

And there Rob was.

The image of him: his braces, his almond-ish eyes.

I didn’t know him well. We were not friends. He was in my classes.

He was top 5% smart.

He played soccer.

The gossip was that he killed himself about a girl. Another rumor was that another soccer player had bullied him.

I saw the “bully” soccer player years later at a random party. He had become a photographer. He meandered around the party taking photos of people. Whereas previously in highschool, he seemed to me a stern jock, he had become a very kind soul with kind eyes or maybe we were all a little tipsy.

25 years removed from the incident void of any emotional residue, I had the most ridiculous thought: Rob missed the internet.

What a crappy and wonderful thing to miss?

He also missed the smartphone, World of Warcraft, and the first black President.

Lil Bub!

Hot Pockets!

DOW 18,000!

Game of Thrones!

Breaking Bad!

Endless, free, online pornography!

Back in the early 1990's, if you wanted to escape the drudgery of life, you had to go outside to play with dangerous toys like the Lawn Dart, or know how to use the Dewey Decimal system to find a book. And you’d have to still read that book, not listen to it like you can with audiobooks.

Today we have all the distractions streaming 24–7, but I just checked the amazing internet. Suicide is slowly on the rise.

I thought maybe the human species could just kill themselves metaphorically by giving their lives to addictions and obsessions, but it seems some of us still can’t wait for the end to come.

I wish I could tell you that I started writing this with an end in mind. A conclusion of great insight, but I have none.

Rob killed himself and he missed the internet.

He missed things changing.

Changes he couldn’t have even imagined.

Maybe that’s the point.

If you hold on long enough, things change so drastically, that things you cared so much about, will no longer matter.

Certainly, to a mind that is chemically affected, it’s hard to see the end of the tunnel, but it will be there, with all kinds of new Hot Pockets… on Mars.

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