Pity poor Schrödinger as his cat gets older.

He stuck in his thumb & pulled out a bum

Delusional Jimmy
(Always a “Ninny”)
Chugging his cards & whey.
Stuck in his thumb,
& pulled out a bum,
Tossing him out, without pay.

Later arrested,
He calmly attested,
With whey all over his face:
“That bum from the slum
Was never my chum — 
Chased me all over the place.”

Called into court,
He sniveled a snort,
Waving a flag, bright & blue.
“I’ll have you know, 
I’ve driven through snow,
While chugging a vat of beef stew!”

Judge George stared at Jimmy,
(Gave him the willies)
Tapping his gavel real hard.
“I’ll give you a chance
At love & romance,
If you act as my new body-guard.”

“That’s one thing I’ll do!”
Then bid him “Adieu,”
Heading to freedom, he thought.
But later that night,
Got into a fight,
After-which cops found him shot.

Turns out that the judge,
Giving dating a nudge,
Had taken his woo-ing too far:
He flirted & fussed,
As his girl’s boyfriend cussed — 
Then pulled out a gun in the bar.

To poor Jimmy’s dread,
The girl’s boyfriend spread,
Dozens of bullets around.
Jimmy got hit,
In that scatter-shot snit,
Then promptly fell dead to the ground.

Delusional Jimmy,
That bullet-drilled “Ninny,”
Should never’ve accepted the deal.
He’d been better off,
Out playing golf,
While fighting the judge on appeal.

Jimmy’s now buried,
Living unhurried,
Entombed along with his hat.
I miss him, I’d say — 
Most every day — 
’specially when licking his vat.

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