When we’re having a problem, what is our first instinct? It’s to look for a reason, right?
We love to search for reasons. We want to understand the problem first and find a solution afterward.
It makes sense. But there is a better way.
Instead of looking for the reasons a problem occurs, which can many times be very complicated, it’s easier to look directly for the solution.
And there is one question that can help with that.
It’s very simple. It changes the way we look at the problem. It gives us solutions instead of complicated reasons.
The 1st question…
“She stopped hanging out because I’m too good for her,” a friend of mine told me about a girl he was seeing.
I thought he was messing with me.
How can you believe something like that? Just because she might have told you that, doesn’t make it true.
“She just didn’t want to hurt your feelings”, I thought but didn’t say out loud.
That conversation has stayed in my head ever since.
So much that I decided to research the subject a bit.
It turns out there is a lot of research out there for what I was thinking.
Psychologists have a name for it — explanatory styles. …
“The circumstances were bad.”
“It’s not my fault.”
“He made me do it.”
“I was unlucky.”
If you are used to saying these or variations of them, you are almost guaranteed to fail.
What do these phrases have in common?
They all share a complete lack of taking responsibility. A complete lack of taking the blame.
People who avoid responsibility can’t improve. If, in your mind, you did everything perfectly, what’s the point in trying to improve?
You’re already perfect. You can do no wrong.
But this is your ego talking.
People with a big ego might get successful in the short-term, but they are notoriously bad at learning from their mistakes. …
“Why are you angry all the time? It wasn’t even a big deal”
-“They are idiots. They deserve getting shouted at.”
This was when I realized what was happening with one of my friend’s anger issues.
Some people get angry because they feel misunderstood. Others feel not heard.
Others will use anger because they feel powerless in their lives, so they’ll try to get a sense of control back.
There is always a belief behind the anger. People use anger as a tool.
People use anger as a solution to their problems.
They don’t know how to communicate their needs.
It’s easier to start shouting at your wife instead of admitting to yourself you don’t love her anymore. …
“I have no clue whatsoever.”
This is the answer I got from one of my friends as we were talking about our purpose as men.
The more I was talking about it with my friends, the more I realized a worrying trend. The men of the group didn’t have a clue about their purpose in life, while the women had more to say about the subject.
Many men in the modern world feel lost.
But why is that?
Men are wired to be needed. They are wired to provide and protect.
We are hardwired by our DNA to provide food, protect the females and children, achieve things to impress and attract girls, and be active physically. …
“We’re going too fast. We can’t possibly do all those things. It’s impossible. Let’s just quit.”
This was me two years ago when I told my business partner that I was burnt out. Our dream to create a gaming application was over.
But how did we get there?
Taking action is how things get done. You should always strive to take action.
But before taking action, you’ll need to make sure you are ready for it.
If I want to drive at 200mph, I’ll need a very fast car, finely maintained. I’ll have to be sure that it can handle 200mph. If the tires are worn out, I can have an accident. …
“But isn’t self-help just glorified, useless advice?”, a friend of mine asked me a few days ago.
“Maybe the ones you’ve read”, I answered.
The self-help industry is just like any other. There is quality self-help and useless self-help.
The useless self-help is mainly spiritual mumbo jumbo about the power of the universe healing you and other similar junk.
But what makes a self-help article or book worth reading?
After reading a ton of self-help over the last years and writing my fair share of it, here are what I’ve learned so far.
Good self-help makes you want to put the book down, and start living. …
You wake up. You struggle to find the energy to get up and face another day. There is so much that needs to be done. And you have absolutely no energy to do it.
You’re doing a job you don’t enjoy. You are staring at a screen for 8 hours, just to come back and stare at more screens to relax.
You lack an emotional connection. You feel alone and overwhelmed.
Cardio is your arch-nemesis. You eat junk food. You are overweight. You never go out in the sun.
If you’re relating to most of the above, you’re a prime candidate for depression. …
I see people struggling all the time. These people are smart. They have university degrees. They know multiple languages. They are kind-hearted and funny.
I’ve been one of those people, and I still am sometimes. We all are. We are all struggling from time to time.
Life is a tough journey. It doesn’t become a problem when you get some cuts and bruises throughout your journey. This is normal. No one is perfect. No one can live life without struggling.
But it becomes problematic when our struggles start consuming us. …
Have you ever tried to change your life but you quickly reverted to your old habits?
Have you ever felt you wanted to change but felt powerless to stick to your new routine?
You probably need to change your environment. Your everyday places and people need to change.
Your environment is a cage. It’s controlling and confining you.
I’m the youngest kid of two in my family.
I’ve lived my whole life in the same building with my brother and cousins. Among four kids, I’ve always been the youngest.
In every game, every gathering, I’ve always been the youngest one.
This has left an imprint on me. In everything I do, I feel I’m the young one. …