Why a table?

Hello I am BK, and I’m a sex addict…

I still remember the first time I uttered out loud that I was a sex addict. Those words carried an immeasurable amount of pain; pain to myself and pain to all the people I loved and cared about. In that pain though, I also felt this overwhelming sense of relief. Relief that there was a definition to my pain and relief that I wasn’t alone as well as relief that I wasn’t okay, which in some weird way was okay. Unfortunately though, most everyone around me wasn’t feeling any sort of relief to hear I was an addict. Most everyone including my wife were literally shaken to their core by my addiction and the phrase “collateral damage” seemed so true but also so very cold and empty.

For so long in the deep dark places of my addiction I was the most selfish person. I never stopped to consider how my actions, lies, and decisions would affect everyone else. In some sad and very real way I was hoping that everything would just go away and be fixed, but unfortunately I was so caught up in my addiction that I didn’t even know what was the truth or what was a lie. Eventually the lies, the deceit, and the unmanageable came to a head leaving me with two paths.

The first path I could walk out would mean that I would make excuses for my actions, point the finger to everyone else, and try to find some type of compliance instead of recovery. This path would include doing the bare minimum in regards to restoring myself, my marriage, and my relationships. Path number one is also a path of pride, ultimately thinking I had the ability and control to pull myself out of this addiction. Lastly, this path did not lean on a higher power because I would be convinced that I was the Lord of my life and I could fix the messes I had caused.

The second path I could walk out would mean that I needed to face my addiction head on, which meant leading a life of recovery and sobriety. Facing an addiction head on can mean a lot of different things depending on what addiction you are facing, but the general consensus I have come to was that I needed to understand a few pertinent ideas: my life had become unmanageable, I needed a high power to restore me to sanity, I had to make amends for all the wrongs, and then carry my redemption story on to other addicts.

My ultimate decision was path number two and my hope is that you’ll tune into more for how my journey along path number two has been. My hope is that you’ll be able to find connection points in my story that connect with your story. My even bigger hope is that you’ll hear the joys, the pains, the ups, and the downs through my real honest journey that has spanned over the last 16 months. Finally, my prayer is that you know there is hope, there is grace, and there is forgiveness at table.

Your friend,

BK