Here are the three primary perspectives on these interactions.
[Edit: In addition, here is a third-party perspective (by joepie91 aka Sven Slootweg) that I found valuable. Note that I’m a layman, without any coding chops… take that into account when determining whether you think it’s valuable.]
No one’s blameless here. Everyone involved could have communicated more effectively, less rashly, and more politely. More importantly, everyone was acting on principle and apparantly not able to step back and think adequately about the ramifications of their words or actions for others.