How Donald Chump Rigged the Philly Election
Here we are — election controversy everywhere you look — but maybe nowhere bigger than in Philadelphia! Donald Chump is right — the election in Philadelphia is rigged! For folks across the country who are up in arms about voter fraud and a rigged election, here are Donald Chump’s 7 Keys for Throwing the Philly Election. (I suspect these same techniques were used to throw the election in other locations as well).
1). Earlier this year during the primaries, Chump was slow to dismiss support from the KKK and then feigned ignorance when asked about David Duke. While this incident was certainly overblown by his Republican opponents, Chump’s overall record does not appear to be very supportive of blacks, to say the least. It may be difficult for Chump supporters to believe, but this campaign strategy is not very popular in many Philly neighborhoods — nor in many of the suburbs. The fix is in — there will be entire voting districts in Philadelphia County with exactly zero votes for Chump — but this does not mean the voting machines are rigged! The Russians have not hacked the system! Dead people are not voting! Chump himself has rigged this outcome.
2). Chumpy has repeatedly promised to deport all Muslims living in the US. Later he backtracked to the phrase “extreme vetting” (whatever that means?). For people living in the city where the Declaration of Independence was written and signed, and where Billy Penn championed religious tolerance more than 300 years ago, this hugely fantastic strategy is sure to create “unusual” voter turnout for Hillary.
3). Chump has been overheard bragging about grabbing women, and during the campaign has spent a great deal of time on Twitter rating women on their looks, body type etc. In some locker rooms and neighborhoods of New York this is apparently “what guys do”, but this attitude typically does not go over very well with women in Philly. This tremendous strategy will drive incredible “voting anomalies” in favor of Hillary.
4). Mr. Chumpy has made building a wall across the Mexican border a centerpiece of his campaign. In a city where the Liberty Bell rings after every single touchdown or home run, this terrific policy will most certainly cause more “voting discrepancies” in Hillary’s favor.
5). Chump has made no secret of his huge love and respect for the current Russian dictator, Vladimir Putin. Ummm… call me old fashioned, but didn’t we spend most of the 20th century fighting against totalitarian states like Russia? If love for Putin is the latest fashion out of New York, Philly is not buying it. More “suspicious votes” in favor of Hillary.
6). Chump has been on the periphery of the Philadelphia media scene for decades — not just years. For those of us in Philly he is simply the same unbelievably crass egomaniac New Yorker he’s always been — but now magnified to unimaginable proportions like some grotesque hot air float in the Macy’s Day parade that’s gotten loose and is bumping into buildings. Maybe the rest of the country somehow finds him new and shiny — but here in Philly — not so much! Even on a good day in Philly, Chumpy would be seeing a lot of “strange voting patterns” in favor of Hillary simply because of how very very strongly annoying he’s been for decades.
7). Speaking of hot air, besides orchestrating the systematic “election fraud”detailed above, Chump has amazingly failed to deliver a single coherent policy on anything. We are not necessarily policy experts here in the City of Brotherly Love, but we are unsurpassed experts in spotting New York BS from a mile away.
The only policy fact and figure Chump seems to care about is the number of eMails on Hillary’s server and even that seemed to fluctuate from debate to debate. Is it 32,000 eMails? 38,000 eMails? Or 638,000 eMails that the FBI recently “uncovered” 10 days before the election? Why hasn’t the FBI done a probe of Chumpy’s personal eMail server??? Okay — so that’s a trick question. But think about what they could possibly find in Chump’s eMails? It’s hard to imagine isn’t it, because it would appear Chumpy doesn’t know how to write a single coherent eMail… Twitter’s 140 characters seem to be the limit of Chumpy’s attention span! No eMails means no Chump eMail scandal! I guess that’s a fantastic reason to vote for Mr. Chumpy???
Is it election fraud when people vote for the one candidate who seems to have some sort of coherent policy for how to govern? If so, then there is massive voter fraud happening in Philly.
There is one thing I do agree with the Donald about 100%, and it’s that the election in Philadelphia has been rigged. But there is no global banking left wing media conspiracy behind it — Chump himself has rigged the Philadelphia election results.
Hillary certainly may have lied about many things over the course of her political career, but here in Philly lying politicians are not so unusual. Nothing new about that! Yes, she had her own eMail server , but at least she can write a coherant eMail. What’s new, and what will most certainly drive the “massive voter fraud” described above is a whole heaping pile of New York BS being served up by a giant Macy’s Day hot air clown that’s somehow been set loose across the entire nation.
So — fantastic apologies to everyone out there in the Red zone who has read this far — call it voter fraud if it makes you feel better, but here in Philly not many of us are buying Chump’s act. Why so many of you are still buying his act remains one of many mysteries of the 2016 campaign. So when the accusations and conspiracies continue to circulate after the election is over — just remember — this rigged election strategy has been an open conspiracy all along — led, funded and perpetuated by the Republican nominee himself.
1).These are my own thoughts. I am not affiliated with any candidate or PAC.
2). As registered Republican I voted for John Kasich in the PA primaries.
3). If you agree that Chump has rigged the Philadelphia election,
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4). Some readers have correctly commented that there are many Chumpy signs in the Philly suburbs, especially the further away from the city you get. Here is my “compensation theory” about that: