Last year I talked about life timelines and benchmarks, and what it feels like to approach missing them. And then, well, to miss them. To continue missing them.
It feels whatever, as it turns out.
It feels like I don’t care. It feels like lying awake at 2am wondering if I’ll ever amount to anything. It feels like MTA induced panic attacks, a perfect spring day in the park, like fate, like things work out, like nothing ever works out.
So, how life usually feels. For most people, I imagine.
Isn’t it interesting, how easily we adjust?
I’m consistently surprised by how much things change. How much, and how little. Think about it. If this past year was a movie, and the audience only got to see the first and last ten minutes, what would they notice was different? How long would it take them? Would they see any difference at all?
In a way, very little has changed. I still haven’t made manager at my job, so that timeline is kaput. But, that’s okay, I don’t mind coasting. Ambition is fun, but it’s nice to take a break. I still live in New York City, same apartment, same friends, same routines, or rather, routine non-routines.
But how much has changed?
Well, I have a boyfriend. Ish person. I don’t know. I’m weird about these things. Sure, a boyfriend. We met at a party (IRL!), I got his number, and we went on a date the next week. And then it just kept going. We took our first trip together up to Vermont for a weekend recently.
And I find that kind of funny, in a weird how life works kind of way. If you’ve read According to Plan, you’d remember that in my original timeline, I wanted to meet the person I was going to marry at twenty-five. And by the time I turned twenty-six I had met no one and had been very single for almost a year. And I came to terms with that. It’s okay, plans are stupid.
But then here we are.
Not that I think this is the person I’m going to marry, or even anywhere close to that, not yet, not this soon. But it’s something.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s okay if life plans don’t work out. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they do a little later than you expected. And maybe sometimes they seem to, and then everything goes to shit.
But if that happens, that’s okay too. Cause maybe the next thing will go according to plan.