Day Two in NZ: Inside the Glow Worm Cave

Not me, not my photo. But in my mind, I looked this badass descending into darkness. In reality, I was flailing.

Disclaimer: I don’t usually curse like this, but it was so fucking cold.

Yes, that’s right. I abseiled down 100 feet to put myself through (basically) boot camp for 5 hours. And do you know what the name of this tour is?

The Black Abyss

When I enthusiastically told my Airbnb hosts that I was looking to spend time inside the glow worm cave, these unlikely adventure fiends said with a sly smile, “You should totally try the Black Abyss. Totally worth every dollar” (in their innocent NZ accents).

Not looking too much into this and naively taking them word for word, I signed up for the unknown. I had absolutely no idea this would involve me freezing to death inside a cave for five hours.

It turned out the Black Abyss involved crawling on slippery limestones, zip lining in pitch blackness (where I screamed my heart out and made my guide Mika’s day), floating in motherfucking cold cave water, swimming in this water, getting this cold mother fucker inside my wetsuit, jumping off a 7 ft tall “cliff” to get inside a tube, and climbing two waterfalls barehanded to get out of the cave. And how much did I pay to do this?!

There were few moments of serenity when our awesome guides Sarah and Mika handed us our well-deserved hot chocolate and over-sweet granola bar to help us forget about the 3 hours of death ahead of us. And when we floated down the cave completely in awe of the glow worms lighting up like stars, I remembered why I came to New Zealand all on my own.

The cave water was miserable but I still found light in this “misery.”

I’d probably never do this again but I was so proud that I drove myself two hours to do something I absolutely hate- being cold in an enclosed space. I knocked out cold (pun intended) my fear of being in a below 65 degree weather as well as my claustrophobia. All by myself. Okay, actually that’s a lie because the guides had to push my slow ass and pull me up waterfalls to save my life.

New Zealand is full of (expensive) adventures that I wouldn’t be able to find elsewhere. I am ready for so much more for the remaining five days that I’m here. But today, I’m going to enjoy myself in hot thermal springs because I totally deserve it.

p.s. There’s absolutely no proof that I did this because I was too cheap to buy the crappy photos (sorry, guides). I also just looked disoriented and/or delirious in almost every photo. So the pictures above are from le Google.