Oh please, read the part about where people come, nice people, people who write and read, and they said, “hello ma’am. You look lost. Would you like some directions to More & Better? Why more readers and better publicity, silly. We shall help.” Yeah. Yeah. Read that part again. But how you said it.
Shucks. You’re so lucky. I write, too, on Medium; mostly just for my Mom. It’s ok. I like my Mom. She thinks I’m an amazing writer and a damn genuius. Hey! I should go back and live with that woman who thinks I’m awesome and knows how to cook. Yes!
No. Congratulations on a year. Usually I reserve that for people in my drinking club, but seems like you were really fishing for it. Would you like a 3o day sobriety thingy? I have like a case of them. I’d offer you the year one but I’ve never done anything for year…every…single…day. I don’t even poop or sleep everyday. So wow. In my realm you would be considered Highly Functional With Her Shit Really Together. Which makes me s little mad and wishing I had cause to play a little Schadenfreude on the old victrola, but just a little. I mean, after all…there were listicles, but then again…365 days. Of course, if you miss tomorrow, it’s the Schadenfruede Neener Neener dance remix all day long.
It dawns on me I may not be a very good person. It’s 8:33 am. This is usually where I tell myself to finish some toast before I start my drinking for the day. But what the hell, you set a goal and you achieved it! So I’m just gonna dump a little schnapps right here in the old coffee this morning.
Congratulations, whoever you are for doing that thing that you meant to…do… with gusto and…would you like some schnapps, sweetheart? Why yes, that’s a victoria..no…victrola. My granddaddy gave that to me-maw…when…Once Upon a Time. Hey! Has anyone seen my pants?”