Oh No, These 7 Are Going To Sell Out

I did what we all do when we wake up: I went to the donut store and bought some donuts, and then I checked my email. But this time, it was different.

There was a bomb waiting for me in my inbox.

Holy hell. I’m sweating all over again just looking at this. “These 7 will sell out.” Dear me, they’re really going to sell out. All 7.

Now, I know what you’re supposed to do in a normal emergency situation: call your mom and ask her to come over and see if the chicken’s cooked all the way through. But I’ve never dealt with something this alarming. It’s 10 AM and I can’t find my wallet and these 7 will sell out. I’m done for.

So, I decide to take some extraordinary measures: I recover my PayPal password. But, crap, it turns out that my PayPal is hooked up to a bank account that has no money in it that I only keep active so that I can have my dad wire some cash to me if I don’t want to ask my wife for any. This isn’t going to work. These 7 are going to sell out.

I go back to looking for my wallet. Where could it have gone in the time since I went to the donut shop? Maybe the donut shop? I call the donut shop and say, “Did I leave my wallet with you guys? These 7 are going to sell out, and I’m really freaking out.” Instantly, dial tone. I call back. No answer. I go to the donut shop.

It’s blown up. They couldn’t handle it.

I go back home. I search everywhere. I pillage the pantry. I inspect the island. I even scour the sconce. Nothing. My wallet’s gone.

But then.. Yes! I check my pants pocket. It’s there. My wallet’s there. It’s always there, isn’t it? Haha. It’s always there. In the most obvious place. Your pants pocket.

I hop in my car and head to The Gap Factory. I greet the doorman with the customary greeting: “Hello, I am here for these 7.”

He looks at me, quizzically. “My boy, haven’t you heard? These 7 have sold out.”

My worst nightmare. I’d been warned about times like these, but you never really know how they feel until you experience them yourself.

These 7 were going to sell out, and then they did.

Well, damn.