10 airport security facts
Or why I think that it is actually run by the airport shop franchises
I have heard that airport security is grounded on actual facts or that it is actually done to increase security in flights. I really doubt it, since it seems to be based in facts like these.
- Water from a bottle is really dangerous, even if you actually drink from it. It is a well known fact that intestinal transit processes explosives quite efficiently.
- During flight, water within bottles suffers a process that makes it potentially explosive, which is why if you buy a bottle of water at the duty free in Miami you have to dispose of it at security in Amsterdam.
- Ditto for wine, oil and toothpaste in Toblerone-sized tubes.
- Mobile phones are turn off during flight to avoid attacks by passengers enraged by having to listen to Whatsapp catcalls and the guy talking to aunt Mildred during the whole damn flight.
- It is a well known fact that dozens of potential terrorists have been caught red-handed with big Toblerone bars stuffed with explosives. However, Nestlé has lobbied to cover up this fact which is why we have to dispose of water, but not of Toblerones.
- Any liquid explosive in tiny containers is rendered inefective if put inside a flimsy plastic bag together with your lip balm, moisturizer and toothpaste. It is the lip balm that does the charm, probably.
- Random tickling by security officers at the airports after the metal detector beeps for no reason at all makes potential terrorists love them so much that they forget their mission.
- Terrorists hate waiting at lines. The whole airport security operation caters to that well known fact. When faced with a two-hour waiting line at an airport, they will go and stab random citizens in a mall or something.
- Baring the feet of children is not really needed at security checkpoints. But oh do they love it!
- Most airport security is, essentially, make believe. That is why even if you go through security at, let’s say, Chicago, you have to go through security again at London. And again at Madrid.