The Truth, whether I like it or not
I have not been honest with myself for the past year.
At least, not completely.
My significant other has helped me work through the issues that have evovled as a result of my not being honest with myself. As a result of not being myself at all, really. He has even helped me become more honest with myself and others, but not completely.
The reason? I haven’t completely faced my past, or my past self for that matter.
I have analyzed the past and wondered why people treated me a certain way and asked why things didn’t work out between me and a friend, or someone I saw a future with. Now, I realize that it does not matter why people did what they did or why they are not in my life anymore. What does matter, is how I view the past and how I have coped with it… Whether or not I have accepted the past for what it is, and most importantly how I feel about what has happened to me and to make sure I learn from the past so I can make sure I do not make the same mistakes again.
I am not sure about anyone else, but instead of facing the problems that I had, I ran away… and hoped they would not catch up.
Instead of listening to myself and trusting my instincts, I trusted others. You know that little voice inside your head that tells you right from wrong, or that something is not a good idea? I ignored that voice for a long time.
That feeling in the pit of my stomach when I lied to someone that I cared for, or when I was in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation? You guessed it, I decided that what others wanted out of me was more important than what I wanted for myself… or even out of myself.
Before I lost myself there was a very long time that I had set standards that I lived by. I didn’t believe I was better than anyone, but I was proud of myself for taking my own path and ignoring what anyone else had to think or say about it. That is, until I lost myself. When I lost myself is when I stopped living up to my own standards and started living by everyone else’s….
I began believing that my vision for life was less important than my so-called ‘friends’ and ‘family’s’ vision for me.
This blog is a journey for myself.
I hope that others will eventually find this. Follow along with my story, and find solice in the fact that they are not the only ones who lose themselves, or make mistakes.
However if this does not happen, all that matters, is that I continue this journey and find myself. I hope I encourage myself and others through this blog to find who they truly are, accept who they truly are and become happy with they you truly are.