Has your Child-like Curiosity ever come to the Forefront but the Adult in you realized Exploring such would Kill You? I know you’ve heard the old saying :
Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought him back.
Well, let me tell you this, after a year and a half of my constantly living the Surgeon’s “Knife”, my curiosity HIT me. What if I? (As my then eleven year old grandson did to his new school laptop several years ago. His curiosity of just what was under the keys in his keyboard, peeled off those keys to find out what made them work. Well, he did discover the answers but also got suspended from school for a week and a month of being grounded at home with no phone, TV or video games. He also had to find odd jobs to do once that month was over, to pay the school for a new laptop). Was His Satisfaction Worth the Punishment? He smiled and said YES, KIND OF.”
For me it was a little different. I sharpened a cutting knife real well and planned to peel back the top layers of my skin for a “Look-See” beginning with my fingers. Oh yes, I knew there would be blood, and even some pain, but this Child-like Curiosity wanted to see everything under the skin as my Surgeons had done.
I did start the process. I started with my right thumb. I cut an inch or so of skin BUT THEN…that sometimes Schizophrenic Adult in my head actually came to a RATIONAL thought. Lol I had better STOP. There would be NO SATISFACTION worth dying for, now would it?
No, I wasn’t Suicidal Really…JUST CURIOUS. It took over three weeks to heal. No infection resulted in the site, thank the Lord. No, I didn’t get to see what was underneath. Too much blood. Satisfaction you ask? KIND OF in a way. I did have to explain to my Therapist during the healing weeks, the ends and outs of “WHY”. I also HID MY THUMB from view the rest of the session. He went Crazy on his computer making notes of it all. He didn’t share his New Diagnosis with me at the time. I’m sure That Will Come as has a NASTY SCAR!