Would You Rather: The Fall 2021 Return To School Edition

By Jessica Keith

Would you rather have to log in to a Multi-Factor Authentication by 5 a.m. daily to complete your child’s 27 question health inventory assessment or tell your work “sorry, I’m late again” every day for two years?

Would you rather receive an email stating, “school will be from the comfort of your home” or “your cubicle was relocated to an escape room?”

Would you rather the robocalls from the school district say, “you can’t handle the truth,” or “buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”

Would you rather be the parent that posts back-to-school pictures with a chalkboard detailing your child’s favorite pandemic pastimes or run your nails down a chalkboard?

Would you rather your child throw a tantrum every morning at drop-off, or have your child volunteer you to be the room parent?

Would you rather the superintendent eBlast your inbox surveying families on their preference for the hashtag #backisbetter or #betteristhenewback?

Would you rather submit recommendations for the safety criteria of in-person learning through the parent portal or enter a realm of portals from The Chronicles of Narnia while blindfolded?

Would you rather your child chew on their mask or an atomic fireball-flavored Jawbreaker?

Would you rather be the chairperson for the backup- plan- for -the- reopening- plan committee with all right-wing parents or wear underwear on your head at staff meetings?

Would you rather hear, “your child sneezed once and can’t come back to school for 10 days” or “your child has lice for the 4th time this month?”

Would you rather wait in line for an hour to drop your child off at school or spend 30 minutes of your morning walking barefoot over legos?

Would you rather your child’s classroom get a deep cleaning every day or your bathroom at home, for once?

Would you rather be uninformed of the school’s Fall 2021 health and safety protocol until the morning school reopens or be required to lead a PTA meeting on health and safety protocol to a group of parents who believe Trump is still president?