Before diagnose the one life term I never fully understood was the term “on a journey” it sounded like some sort of hippy thinking but in reality my life before diagnose looking back was a sequence of wonderful times with no real goal or point, I lived a very charmed life that after every disaster I somehow recovered to something better. I know I am lucky for my recover from those 1st days unable to walk down corridor at hospital.
I was the most selfish person who has always been somehow well loved but I probably hurt everybody close to me at some point but was mostly always forgiven by those closest to me so if I had died as stastically at that time I should have I have no illusions to how I would have Been described by those I left behind.
So then the Journey starts, at the start you look around you to those who message & visit you in hospital because they care & you think why do they love me so much, you are told the bad news of how your life will change & you deny it as some sort of mistake. You think if you died last week what have you left behind. At that point you decide if your life is a bus crash is it a write off or just minor damage.
I love the idea of the my life now being like a bus journey, many get on and many get off, you stop at the stops where you wonder who is getting on & off now, have they been the interesting lovely passenger or the annoying loud drunken smelly one, ultimately as driver I get to choose who stays on this bus. you reach the terminus (goal) and you just start again on another bus journey, As driver you can decide to go on same road or take your bus on a magical mystery tour.
Every so often my bus goes off the road due to breakdown, for routine maintaince or maybe full MOT but so far it has always got back on the road.
I drive a very full bus that has done a lot of miles, it is old & bettered but an engine that somehow keeps going but I will drive this bus at full speed until the engine gives up.
What i find amazing is it took my diagnose to realise life is basically a journey & despite knowing about “on a journey” I just didn’t get it. This blog makes perfect sense to me but maybe only me, if you are on my bus I try to tell you often what you as a passenger mean to me. My bus journey will end one day but what s journey it has been & nobody who made this journey special will not know that.
The journey continues and where will my bus stop next and who is getting on & off