Keep Moving Forward : “She believed she could, so She did.”
“You lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing you.” This quote was well said by a good friend of mine and it reminded me a lot of my life and my current family situation. This past year and a half has been one of experience, sometimes I reflect in happiness and other times I reflect in longing and hopelessness but as my days go on the easier it is to accept that things happen for a reason.
I took all of 2016 to work on myself, not physically but mentally and spiritually. I was so miserable and unhappy. I took this time to heal, find God for myself and really rely on him for my divine transformation. I can say that I look better than I have ever looked in about 5 years. I look healthy. My skin is glowing. I am starting to slim down(weight has been a HUGE issue for me for about 2 years now) and that’s all because I made the decision to start loving myself. I lost myself trying to please someone who didn’t truly value me. I am not talking about a significant other but rather a parent. My dad was my rock, the closest thing to me but when our relationship crumbled, I had to figure out a way to cope and heal. My entire life my dad was a driving force and indirectly influenced every decision I made. Then situations started to arise and he slowly began to fade as an active role in my life which damaged me mentally. But I always told myself it was okay because it only made me stronger. So I decided to take the steps to heal.
First, me and God had to have an intervention. I was upset with Him because I didn’t know why my life was going the way it was. But sometimes God pulls us away from situations that we were once blind to and makes room for a wake up call. I wasn’t getting better so I had to leave my current environment. It started with me getting kicked out then I was asked to come back, being asked to come back was a difficult settlement for me. Part of me didn’t want to because I was scared to leave, the other part of me needed this separation because I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided for the sake of my well-being I needed to leave officially. This was a faith move and I took it, to finally do what was best for me. It was honestly one of the best decisions I made. Stepping out into the unknown is a great feeling. I slowly realized that people can unintentionally be toxic including your own family and the people closest to you. I began to get better. I changed my living situation and begin to love myself. Despite the way I looked, the weight I gained from birth control, antidepressants and stress eating I found God and began my recovery. I cleansed myself of everything bad in my life and God surrounded me with genuine people. Me and mother’s relationship was rocky for about 7 years but once I moved on and moved back in with her, God healed our relationship(Blog about this story coming soon!) My relationship with my older brothers, grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. flourished. This situation made me grasp the true meaning of family.
I grew, I was the delicate flower that bloomed in the rays of darkness, what looked like a storm. After the darkness there was light and after the flood came the rainbow. I realized what I could do in life and how great I was. A couple of days ago I was looking through some old photos and physically saw my happiness in one photo. I began to take more pictures of everything to capture the moments that made me happiest. I can now look back and say that I have overcome. Despite all the rumors about me, the people who decided to leave my life because of what they heard, I stood tall. I keep standing tall and I made an effort to move forward but that all started by discerning that I had an issue. I wanted to stop feeling sad, miserable and lost so I started to love God then myself and became a better person. From selfish to giving, from broken to healed, from failure to success. All it took was me believing in myself and in the midst of my recovery God sent some awesome people to directly and indirectly help me with my renewal.
What I want you to take from this is that no matter where life takes you, all the hoops and hurls you face, it is important to always keep moving forward. It doesn’t matter if they told you that you wouldn’t be anything, that you wouldn’t achieve; all that never has to be true! So stay focused, stay positive and keep pushing because the reward that God has for you is bigger than anything you could ever imagine. Find the thing that motivates you to keep going. Be great and stand tall! I love you and God loves you!