Psychology Behind Hating
Haters! Haters everywhere… What is wrong with these people. I am not blaming or abusing anyone! Hell no, why would I do that? I am a hater too. Damn, I hate trump, I hate that guy who passed by me yesterday with a range rover and splashed pool water all over my jeans, I hate my professor because he gave me a difficult test, I hate… I hate… I hate… to what end… I give up.
So, this game of hate got me fed up. I decided to dig deeper and see what causes us to behave the way we behave. Why do we hate? To get to the bottom of this I had to read some books on psychology. So, what does psychology say about hating?
PSYCHOLOGY AND HATE
One thing that I discovered as I studied the psychology behind hate is that it says everything about the hater and nothing about the hated. When you hate someone, what you do is that you take all your weaknesses and project them onto someone else (the dude or chic you are hating on) and then hate that person.
When you are hating on someone, what you usually do is that you tell yourself the following but refuse to listen:
“I am insecure in myself, in my identification with my culture and everything. So here is what I am gonna do. I am gonna take all that and project it onto someone else because if I don’t do it, I am not sure I won’t hate myself to death.
Projecting all that hate onto someone else means that you have got a lot of work to do on yourself to become a whole person but you simply don’t wanna have to face yourself and do it.
So why do we really hate though?
- Fear of “the other”
What does that even mean?
Try to follow me here…
One major reason as to why we hate is because we fear that which is different from us. We feel threatened by what we perceive as outsiders and hence gravitate towards those we can identify with as a mechanism to survive.
In this case, hatred is usually driven by two emotions. These are love and aggression. Love for what is similar to you and aggression towards whatever is different from you.
- Fearing Ourselves
In many cases, what we hate about others are the things that we fear in ourselves. The person you hate in this case can be compared to screen that you project the parts of you that you don’t want. The major idea here is:
“I am not that bad, you are!”
According to psychology, this phenomenon is known as projection. This term was coined by Freud. The idea in this projection is that we always tend to reject what we don’t like in ourselves. We have the need to be awesome, this causes us to project “badness” outward on to someone else and attack it.
This is a thing that our ancestors developed during the early days when people lived in caves. Those days when being accepted into a village was very crucial. If you were rejected and got thrown out of the village, you would get yourself eaten by a strolling hyena in a second.
So, what happened, our ancestors developed this technic of repressing things which they thought were bad or what others told them were bad and used them to hate and judge others.
- It Fills a Void
Usually, acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, inadequacy, shame, and injustice. Similar to anger, hate usually helps us distract ourselves from some form of inner pain inside of us.
This internal pain is what I am referring to as a void. People who are usually consumed by hate believe that the only way in which they have the ability to regain some power is to lash out at others and hate them.
Those are psychological reasons why people hate. What about non-psychological reasons why people hate?
OTHER REASONS WHY PEOPLE HATE
- Haters think life is a competition…
… and they don’t wanna lose you. They always want to be ahead of you. They want to have the better car, they want to have the wife who is more beautiful, they want to own that apartment down the street.
So, what happens when they don’t have all that but you have all of it instead?
They will hate you.
- They have nothing better to do with their lives
Imagine the life of someone who has to wake up in the morning without something that they can do except watch TV, upload a photo on facebook, close facebook, open Instagram, upload a photo on Instagram, share the link to that photo on whatsapp groups asking for likes, open facebook again and check how many likes they have gotten on their latest photo, get angry because no one has liked their photo, close facebook, open Instagram to check how many likes their photo has, get angry again because Jane has 200 likes but their photo only has 2 likes…
You will agree with me that such a life sucks. This person has nothing better to do than to look for some way to prove to himself or herself that their life is actually awesome. So what do they do? You guessed it.. They start hating.
- They crave attention
If you haven’t noticed it yet, haters are afraid of silence. They want people to know that they exist. So what they will do is start hating on people and latching out to people. Screaming at the top of their voices:
“Look, I am still hear, don’t you forget! I am not dead yet!”
What they are actually looking is some validation. You talking back is enough for them to feel on top of the world.
- Self-esteem issues
You can sport someone who hates because of his or her self-esteem issues from a mile away. These are the people who feel the need to put other people down in order for them to feel good about themselves.
- Because you improved
In life, we all want the goodies. The problem is that no one wants to work hard to achieve it. What happens when you finally decide to quit slacking and start going after whatever you have wanted and your friends who didn’t have the guts to do it start noticing that you are flying high?
Believe me, they will turn to their number one solution… Which is… hating!
- You use your brain
The better part of the humanity occupying planet earth are zombies. Agree or disagree. This is a known fact. So what do you think will happen when these people meet someone who thinks for himself. Someone who questions and critically analyzes everything instead of just following the rules mindlessly?
They will hate you.
CHARACTERISTICS OF A HATER
A hater will look for every chance that he or she can get in order to badmouth you. This is usually done in order to try and recruit new members into his hating team.
This they usually do by comparing their pathetic selves with you and then proving to anyone how you are the one who needs fixing. They will go ahead to open Instagram to show their friends that they got more likes on Instagram than you got. Seeing these haters in real life, you would never think that they can stoop this low. But in the real sense, they usually do stoop even lower.
- Keeping tabs on your life is a fulltime job
They have this behavior of monitoring your affairs. These haters can’t help themselves but ask a close friend or relative details about your life. When they hear your woes… the best day ever.
- They can win an Oscar in acting skills
They have this ability to pretend that you are the best thing that happened to their lives while you are the main object of their envy.
- They have no life
Why would someone who has a life waste all their time trying to figure out what is happening in your life? They also don’t have time to create one. Where will he or she get the time needed to do this while all their time is dedicated to investigating yours?
- They have a condition referred to as…
Chronic complaining. If you ever get a chance to listen to a hater, you will just throw up. They will start talking about some other person when they are with you and wait for you to say something that they can use against you.
- All they have for you is advice
Don’t do this like that, change your schedule so that it can look like this, follow this routine, read this and a boatload of bullshit. Having nothing to do with their lives, the only thing they can do is come up with advice for whoever is there to listen to them and make them feel good about themselves. Oh, they will even tell you how to draw an owl:
Do this to your haters: