John Griswold
Sep 4, 2018 · 1 min read

Probably time to stop worrying about what sex is “supposed to be” and focus a little more on what it is. Sex is the exchange of bodily fluids that have both the potential to infect, and if you insist on close contact between penis and vagina, impregnate. You can’t be intimate with a person with whom you are fighting over boundaries. You can intimately exchange fluids, which is a different thing. Intimacy is only possible when both communication and empathy is strong between partners, and when that is true, when both partners are invested in the other’s comfort, safety, and peace of mind, then the “negotiation” is pretty easy.

The real issue here is the mistaken idea that aquaintance sex accessed through Tinder or Bumble can be intimate, safe, or particularly rewarding. Intimacy and safety are products of emotional investment and the kind of man who is looking for sexual contact with people who are essentially strangers is a very poor risk for emotional investment. Believe me, it’s totally OK to be a boner kill, it’s healthy, self respecting, and a great sorting system to weed out the kind of creeps who will pressure you to take risks you absolutely shouldn’t just so they can get off a little better.

    John Griswold

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    Master carpenter, watercolor artist, beat up old jock and somewhat reluctant care giver, owned by Black Lab Bo who considers two tennis balls a minimum mouthful