Never Enough

Immediately upon waking up this morning, I started feeling anxious. Anxious about all of the things I could have done better. Anxious about the things I need to take care of. Anxious about needing to improve.

And it’s in these moments of stillness and being alone that these feelings seem to be most pervasive. It’s a sort of shaming we do to ourselves. It’s a feeling that we aren’t good enough.

I pride myself on being a dedicated father, a loving husband, and successful in business.

And I do a pretty damn good job at all three.

Sure I fall from grace sometimes. Sometimes, I surf the web on my phone instead of staying engaged with my kids. I forget to show my wife the proper attention and affection some nights. And sometimes, I could do a better job of communicating and following through with tasks at work.

But I try. I put in the effort. And over the years, I have grown a ton.

Yet — I can’t stop this feeling from creeping in that I am not doing enough. That maybe I could do more. That I need to cram more in to a day.

Or maybe all of it is just purely me beating myself up unnecessarily.

I have a hard time believing this is unique to me though. This seems to be synonymous with the present culture.

This culture around constantly needing to improve. Constantly needing to fail fast. This culture around constantly learning and improving. And if you aren’t improving, you are stagnating. And doing it all the while we are well-rounded adults.

When do we give ourselves a break and just admire the progress and how far we have come?

I can’t help but wonder — will it ever be enough?