This router is too big and has too many words: ROG RAPTURE GT-AC5300 review

For many years I never really gave a shit about routers. Everything important is plugged into it so there’s no real way to fuck that up, and shit like phones can just stay off the wifi and use their own connection.

But I eventually ran into a problem. I had too much shit that all wanted to use the wifi at once and it kept kicking everything else off. Because everything uses fucking wifi now. the TV, the AV reciever, the game consoles, the air conditioner, the fucking fridge just in case you can’t get ice without checking your fucking twitter, the oven, the microwave because I guess people are too stupid to put a bag of popcorn in and remember to get it without a push notification, toaster, because I guess some people just needed an app to help with fucking toast, and the kettle to complete the “incompetent” cooking set if you can’t figure out when water is boiling, the showerhead, hair brush, toothbrush, you get the idea.

Well all this shit needed to update and like I said it all kept kicking each other off. I don’t know why the fuck that kept happening you’d need some sort of wifi expert for that but I figured it was the cheap ass $40 router I had.

So I got a new one. and in true me fashion I didn’t fuck around and got the most elaborate thing I could find on the market. The $380 ASUS RT AC5300

So what can this big ass router that looks like the helmet of sauron do?

can I sacrifice a hamster in the middle for faster internet speeds?

First of all it’s big as hell so you’re going to have to deal with the fact that no matter what you do with it, it’s going to be a pussy deflector. If it’s on a desk, or you get creative and mount it on the celing.

It’s going to look like you let Dr Robotnik stash some stuff at your place he’s hiding during the divorce. Setup isn’t bad, you take it out of the box, screw all the shit in, plug it up, then download some app that will walk you through everything.

It comes with 8 lan ports vs the 4 on my old router. It’s called ROG because it’s for gaming, and anyone gaming is likely going to want to have a hardwire connection. So out of the box this allows for 8 PCs, and gaming devices to have a hardwire connection and everything else to fuck around on the 3 wifi networks it offers.

You could even use the fastest 2 bands of AC wifi for yourself and let guests and your neighbor that never has their shit together fuck around on the old slow ass 2.4 N wifi.

I used to have problems with the internet dropping off both hardline and wireless and that shit stopped with this. The range is bigger than the house top knotch!

Streaming 4k content actually works a shit ton better with this. Before if I was using Netflix at best that was the only thing I could do. Now I can at least do that and transfer shit across the network. I wasn’t able to test multiple 4k streams because Netflix is fucking retarded and only let’s you stream 4k to a TV even though I have a perfectly good PC I even went as far as downloading the Netflix app for windows on you still can’t do it unless you have this years fucking kaby lake processor so blame netflix for that.

I hear if you’re one of those freak camwhores on the internet it will provide excellent live streaming to all the perverts that watch you masturbate on the balcony.

I haven’t felt like an attention whore lately so I can’t tell you about it’s streaming capabilities over wifi personally but I *hear* they are top knotch.

What I can say is if your cheap ass router is fucking up because you have a bunch of bullshit on it this can fix it. It has more features than I need like parental control…which in this house is just the belt if I catch you looking at any weird shit like those camgirls. At least until they make a smart pair of pants that can call the police. That’s why I don’t really mess with Alexa or Google home so I couldn’t tell you about that.

You can install your own firmware but once again I’m not that into the shit. But it can be as plug and play or hackable as you need it to be, to me It’s a router. It’s definitely better than whatever cheap shit you have now or got from the cable company since it’s the fastest I’ve ever used, faster than offices networks. If you need it for 4k streaming or all your shit you probably already know.

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