The White Man’s Paradox: To Commit Murder While Keeping One Hand in Your Pocket

The Death of George Floyd

We watched the murder of George Floyd. His pleading voice begs for his life and breath. The murdering officer keeps his body over George for four minutes while George repeatedly cries “I can’t breathe.” His moans of fear rise above all the sounds of the street. He howls. What could the officer be thinking in those four long minutes? Two more officers are seen facing the side of the car with George’s body pressed in between theirs and the automobile.Their arms…

I didn’t feel rested. I don’t know why. I didn’t have a terribly interrupted sleep and I wasn’t in bed that late. I heard a voice in my head, ‘fuck it.”

“Oh no” another voice came in, “it’s going to be this kind of day.”

“Gotta change this,” another chimed in. I picked up my phone and put on some music. “Come on, you don’t want to ruin the whole day.”

Dragging myself out of bed, I still turned around and made the bed. That’s a good sign.

Going to the kitchen for the usual routine but just inside the kitchen door I stopped. I hadn’t realize I paused. I had not planned on pausing, but there I was just standing there, staring. I wasn’t really thinking, or figuring something out. Seeing how it feels to be here, I guess.

I live alone in an apartment in Singapore and had not been anywhere for two weeks, nor had I been outside for three days. I decided I better take a walk because this isn’t healthy. I walked down the four flights of stairs and then down a path to the road, when I saw two people. At that moment I heard a voice in my head say, “EWWW people!”

We have six more weeks to go.

Joan M. Kelly

artist & Sr. Lect. of Art at Nanyang Technological University, in Singapore since 2005. Her recent publication: “Invisible Personas.”

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