It’s just before sunrise and i had escaped my way home from a girl’s house just to sleep more comfortably in my own nest. Using the “I have to get ready for work” line so i can dodge the bullet of her finding out i snore like a fat person dying on their inhalation of hostess cupcakes. And the fact that I had just recently broke up with my girlfriend. I find myself stuck in these situations of being overly nice to new women, because I honestly just have so much to give and want a certain committed relationship so bad that I tend to do things that are considered moving too fast for even my own good will. For example, first night at this new woman’s house and I’m already setting the clocks in her appliances for her and fixing the bathroom shower curtain, and offering to install door handles on her new kitchen cabinets. Why do i do these things? Why can’t I just take the time that’s needed for me to heal and stop being a “Mr. Fix it”?
Back to the notion of being at this girls house for the first time. She has more than enough expressed that she’s dropping proper hints to ensure that I know she’s ready to sleep with me. I just can’t do it. We share so many interests and I’m sexually attracted to her but i just can’t do it, only bc this is how it always begins. They like me, they smile at me, they want to sleep with me and then boom! All of a sudden they want more. They want more of me and also more amazing sex. They find out that I have more to offer as a man instead of just great sheet gripping sex and then that’s where everything goes to shit! Oh yeah the first few months are completely dazzling. I wow them, I make them feel “like they’ve never felt before”, I’m so easy to talk to and easy on the eyes. Next thing you know everything is so great it’s like overload of the brain. Kinda like how when ppl get high but then they just keep on smoking bc they think it gets them higher, yeah, it’s that kind of scenario. It’s my everlasting curse. Never have been so good at something that it destroys me. It’s like a polar opposite effect once they can t get that high anymore. What’s a man to do that’s looking but needs time? I guess nothing, I guess just let time run it’s course.