I have some experience with suppressing honorifics. I can tell you talking, or writing about them is necessary in order to process the worst thing that can happen to anyone. It is a violent, and hateful thing. It will ride you. It’s slow moving angst will wake you in your dreams. The only way out is to let it all out. Tell someone, write it down, talk about it to those closest to you. Get it out of your mind, your heart, your dreams. Then walk on. Move into life knowing you are a survivor. Take tomorrow’s newness and make that the driving force in whatever steps in front of you. You are on moving toward hope and in hope there is peace. Be well and thank you for opening your heart.