Lessons Learned Living with Dad, Again

I live with my aging father. I am not alone (yeah, hubby and kids came along). Many thousands of Americans find themselves in a similar situation. Some of us even live this way on purpose. No, I am not the 20 or 30-something kid, back on dad’s couch, out of work and out of ambition, not even close. We have a probably-not-unique situation where my dad wanted us here, asked us to come, so he would know he would be cared for and never have to leave home, he hopes. Dad saw me visiting and helping to care for his aging mother and must have realized his day would come, too. My kids (mostly) love being so close to Grandpa and we all get along pretty well.

What “generational living” has taught me:

1. Life is short — We know this right? But we don’t make the most of every day. No matter who, your mom, dad, brother, sister, spouse or kids, they will someday be gone. Take time to have a conversation, share a meal, talk about your hopes, dreams and aspirations. Time will pass quickly and we can’t get it back. Duh, I know. What’s my point? Carpe diem! Seize the day! Do something together with the ones you love, whoever is important to you. Tell them you love them and you won’t regret it. Go live your dreams!
2. Life is good — Yes, we live in a scary day and age, but life is awesome. I have learned that while tomorrow is not guaranteed, today is here and now for us to enjoy. Life is not always easy or happy, but in the end, it is good. There is much to see, feel and experience. Count your blessings and be grateful for whatever situation you find yourself experiencing. To experience is to learn and learning opens possibilities.
3. People don’t change — Living with dad, which I haven’t done since I was a teenager, is an experience. Whenever I see extended family, they always ask how it’s going and how it is to live with my dad again. I can tell you that, in general, it’s just like it was when I was a kid. He has not changed, but I am no longer a child. It could be like reliving all the pain of my childhood (my parents’ divorce, feeling rejected after we went to live with mom), but now I have the grown-up emotions and psyche to handle it. It’s great to have perspective and realize that if dad says no or doesn’t do what I want, it’s okay.
4. People are different — Mom was right. It does take all kinds to make the world go ‘round. My dad is different than me. I can accept his differences even if I don’t always like them. I can even love and respect him even if he bugs me sometimes or does stuff I think is gross. My work with international au pairs has taught me this too. I am not here to judge, just to experience the ride. Dad has a great way of just worrying about himself and not giving mental energy to other people’s problems. I’m different and that’s okay.
5. Communication is good, but attitude is best — Dad doesn’t always listen. Sure, he listens when I talk, but my adult parent is not always going to do what I want or what I say. He is, after all, not my kid but my parent. My answer lies in a positive attitude. Things will always get better, eventually. Every problem has multiple solutions. Sometimes I cry when faced with adversity. It’s like an instinct. Then I get over it and face the problem, make a plan, learn something and move forward. It’s that attitude that will help me with dad, particularly as we move down the road into his real golden years.

Dad loves to tell me I ruined his retirement (the kids are a little noisy). I love to remind him he is not actually retired yet (still driving truck, some) and that he invited us here. We really do have a great relationship. I love my dad and he loves me; living with anyone is not always easy. I hope you, my captive audience, share these important life lessons, or at least have a good chuckle on me. Thanks, Dad!