Change can be a little scary — for everyone
I am now 1 week post op, and yesterday I became quite overwhelmed with the worry that Mr M might not like me changing, will he still love me the same? He has never ever said anything negative about my weight, always been super supportive and loved me for being me. ❤ But I worried that he saw me differently, after seeing me in the Bariatric ward with the other patients, who were there for the same reasons as I was. After seeing me after an operation, looking awful and not being able to do everything I usually do. Did he see me differently? Was he going to be OK with the changes that are going to happen? Will he still be attracted to me? (It feels weird typing that as it feels weird that he is) Will he really be OK if I have loose skin folds? I so desperately want him to still love me.
As I’ve mentioned in a previous post about wanting to be an average wife, it still stands, I want to be a wife Mr M is proud of, someone he is proud to have on his arm. It sounds so fickle, and pretentious. It is just the simple things, we have always been a couple to hold hands or have a cuddle when we are out, (not in a gross way!) but sometimes I do feel people might think Mr M is weird for loving someone my size. Does that sound silly? I know I think way to much about what other people think, Mr M tells me this all the time. What should I care what people think? Maybe it’s because they are judging Mr M and not me that it bothered me so much?
When I asked Mr M about how he felt about the pending change he was totally fine, reassured he would love me the same! Before I was going in for the op he joked that this is Jo-jo’s upgrade and I will be Jo-jo version 1.1 :) You can tell he is a technology man :) ❤
I don’t think I have ever used quite so many question marks in one blog post before! I guess change is scary for everyone, it has a massive amount of positive outcomes, but the unknown is scary, and when I have thought about it before I have not considered how it might effect Mr M.