For those of you that don’t know me, I got married in May to my long-term boyfriend. The wedding weekend was one of the highlights of my life in recent years, not because weddings are fundamentally fantastical (because they really aren’t. I still have PTSD from the stress of planning and I stand strongly by my statement that they are a total scam and a useless waste of money), but because it was the only time in my entire life I had a legitimate excuse to demand that all my most favorite and beloved people be in the same place at the same time.
We got married at the magical Holly Farm in Carmel, California. We had a grilled cheese competition, booked people for surfing lessons, had a mini “Movie in the Park”, played crazy rounds of bubble soccer (the groom twisted his ankle badly, a story for another time), and just generally had a roaring time over 4 days. It really made me so happy to craft a weekend experience and see all my friends bonding and having a good time.
But let’s get down to business — the dress. Not only the dress, but how I ordered my dress from China and how you can do it, too.
Enh? Enh? Not bad, right? I thought the dress turned out pretty well!
Personally I found wedding dress shopping to be this horrific experience. I hated how every bridal consultant I met with felt super fake, and that they expected me to be “that” type of bride. I know my body and know what I feel comfortable showing/not showing, and I was annoyed that they all tried to sell me the same exact dress despite the fact that I felt I had a clear idea of my aesthetic.
Eventually I made a chance discovery on a truly horrific website called Stylebee. I found a message board with literally thousands of pages absolutely FILLED with women who wanted to get a custom made wedding dress, whether it be because they wanted unconventional cuts/materials/colors or they fell in love with a dress that they couldn’t afford and wanted a replica of. If you want to fall down a black hole, you can get check out the thread here, but in short there are only a few legitimate and vetted shops that everybody uses.
Based on what type of dress you want there are a few shops that specialize in various things, but overall the most often referenced and the one I recommend to use is “The Shop”, also known as Jasmine’s Bridal Shop (http://www.jasminesbridalshop.com). The good thing is that they have various consultants with really well written English, which I think is usually the biggest fear and barrier in trusting a vendor in China. Those consultants will then translate and communicate any of your needs with the staff in China that are building your dress.
Whatever shop you decide to go with, the reason you shouldn’t be intimidated is that they all standardly seem to send sets of photos as many times as you want throughout the process, so that you can see how your dress is progressing and send feedback if anything goes off the rails. Jasmine’s Bridal Shop charges $20/set. I also liked that their website had real life references, the order form is pretty thorough, and that they sign a carefully worded contract.
Disclaimer: I don’t want to make it sound like this is a simple process, because there were definitely moments where I felt I had made a really bad life choice. Overall I was really happy with the result and people were literally gushing about how much they loved my dress and how distinct it was, but certainly have a back up plan if it doesn’t work out.
If you’re convinced and ready to order, here are a few tips and lessons I’ve learned along the way to make your experience go a bit smoother:
1. Have a REALLY clear idea of what you want — this is not the route to go if you are like, “I just want a trumpet shaped dress with some lace on it”. You should know exactly what type of lace, what type of material goes underneath, exactly where the dress cuts in and where it flares out, etc. You need to know what you want down to every last detail, because if you don’t specify what you want, the designers will go rogue with whatever they feel like, which is not always going to end in the right result.
2. Collect as many reference images as possible — If you are getting an exact replica of an existing dress, try to get as many pictures of it from as many angles as possible. If it’s a dress you tried on at a shop, try to get photos 360 degrees around, from close up and far away of the detailing. If you are trying to mash a bunch of dresses together, try to Photoshop or ask somebody else to Photoshop it together for you so it is super clear what you want. If you are doing something custom, you should manage expectations about what the shop can do.
2. If material or color matters to you, order swatches — I ended up not really caring about color other than it was mostly ivory, so I didn’t do this, but I read on the boards that a lot of women did this.
3. Don’t use Jasmine’s Bridal Shop any less than 6 months before your wedding date — They will predict a finish date, but DO NOT TRUST THEM. I got my dress 2 months past their estimate, and 1 month past the fake wedding date I gave them. That means if it actually had been my real wedding date, I literally would have been walking down the aisle in nothing. It doesn’t matter how much you bother them, they have no sense of urgency and they really can give less fucks if they miss your wedding date.
4. Pad the amount of time you need to accommodate for Chinese New Year’s and shipping — Chinese New Year’s is legit over there and they will straight up shut down. This will delay production by an entire month, so make sure you account for that if your dress will be made during the month of February. Also make sure to add a few weeks for shipping and the possibility of your dress being held in Customs.
5. Pay with a credit card with purchase protection — Jasmine’s will try to offer you random small percentage discounts to send money directly via a money order, but don’t fall for it. Yes, you might save a few dollars (which feels important because I know you feel like you’re bleeding money right now), but if anything goes wrong, you want to be protected. It’s a small cost for some peace of mind.
6. Get measured by an actual seamstress — Do this. Really don’t expect that you can do it better than they can. I did this and the dress STILL turned out too small. Luckily Jasmine’s Bridal Shop standardly leaves a bunch of extra material around the seams for this reason and alterations was able to let it out a bit, but if I were to do it again I’d pad the measurements a little bit and have it tailored down.
7. Make sure to mention your cup size — This was a surprise to me and I didn’t see this mentioned anywhere on the boards, but if you are a B cup or larger, mention what size you are to your consultant. Asians girls are generally small chested, so I didn’t say anything and they ended up putting in really shallow cups which would probably be appropriate for what they are used to, but ended up flattening me and cutting my chest in a weird way.
8. Don’t forget to include the cost of alterations — I was so proud of myself for “saving money” by ordering this dress from China, but I completely underestimated how much it would cost to alter my dress here in the US. Mine was more expensive than normal because there were so much detailed beading on it, but it cost me another $1000 just to get it to fit me remotely okay.
9. Be very good with written and visual communication — I feel like I was at a slight advantage here since I am a Designer by trade, so I spend all day thinking about how to communicate ideas visually. If you’re not already, get good at something like Paint, Photoshop, Sketch, Keynote, or something similar that can do very clear diagrams with arrows and simply worded text, you will be fine. Be very careful with how you word and draw things — they sometimes take things VERY literally. I once drew a casual line as an example and then they basically followed the line exactly, which ended up taking 2 more rounds of photos to fix.
Here is an example of one of the rounds of feedback I had to give. It’s nothing pretty, but it worked.
10. Don’t forget to request extra beads, lace, etc. — If your dress has some special or small details such as beading or sequins, request the shop include some extra in your shipment. I think they included a small amount for free, and this came in handy because after alterations had to let my dress out they were able to use the same beads.
That’s it — my best gems for how to tackle getting a custom wedding dress made in China. If some of you have already gone through this experience and have extra tips, comment below! Otherwise, enjoy a few more of my favorite shots.
P.S. I’m selling this dress. If you’re interested check out the listing here.
