The Zen of Not Being Late

Don’t laugh. If you know me, the headline would have cracked you up. I’m notorious for being late or showing up way past the witching hour.
For a long time, I was in denial.It wasn’t how bad it was or how much effort I made to be punctual. There was a lingering perception and an Olivia-Pope-like intervention wasn’t going to change things.
As mentioned before, I set out during this time to change some fundamental habits. I decided to add my punctuality issue to the list, it felt important and necessary even if I couldn’t articulate clearly why.
What I thought would be a simple habit change opened up a weird and wonderful journey.
Margins and Snowballs
My Microsoft Outlook calendar used to be my life. When it was empty, I felt a little nervous and would start to pack things in again. Looking back, a back-to-back calendar actually helped set the wheels in motion for stress to build up. It didn’t allow for errors or margin. When you don’t allow for errors, you can end up punishing yourself unnecessarily when things go wrong. From the other perspective, to experience life’s unplanned and serendipitous moments, you need to cater time. Be it a ad-hoc brainstorm, or to be there for a friend to rant, or to help someone to cross the road.
Being late I realised too, had a snowball effect beyond time. My being late might leave the next person I was going to meet irritated. That in turn would impact the person he or she was going to meet next and so on and so forth. We function like the Newton’s Cradle balls to some extent, the rhythms of the people we meet impact ours and vice versa. Who knows if my tardiness for a breakfast meeting in the morning resulted eventually in a sulky person at dinner with his family? In our fast-paced, high stress society, we don’t need to add further variables to the fray.
Waiting Opens Up Space to Be
Admittedly, I used to think being early or punctual was not cool. I didn’t want to be the one sitting in the waiting area reading dated magazines or making awkward small talk. I would get a little twitchy and restless. Nowadays, I find a joy in being early. My inner tempo is not rushed, I get time to get used to my surroundings, to think about what needs to be covered in the conversation. This all results in a better rhythm and flow of my interaction. More thoughtful and engaged, I’m not feeling like a victim of my schedule.
Whoever Owns Your Calendar Owns You
This brings me to the biggest revelation: I didn’t own my calendar in the past. It was packed to the rafters and I felt constantly pressured. Familiarity breeds comfort and over the years, I had gotten comfortable lying almost dead on the fabric of an often bursting at the seams calendar. I have made a conscious decision to own my calendar moving forward. No one else will know the full spectrum of my commitments or how I’m feeling. If I feel harassed or stressed, it is time I own it, I cannot blame anyone.
Not being late has brought me a strange inner Zen. Here are some of my thoughts on how I got there (don’t get me wrong, I still in the process of recovery):
Make and Honour The Most Important Appointment
Make time for yourself and what fills up your own tank. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we are of little use to others. For some, it is time with God, a morning swim or a run. Whatever it is, schedule in your Outlook or Google Calendar. Show up on time, don’t cancel on yourself especially when you get busy because these things centre and re-charge you. Being punctual for appointments with myself has increased my self-respect. I feel more empowered to be a contributor to those around me.
Schedule for Margin
Be thoughtful and pace yourself when you need to put a new appointment into your diary. Take into account the other activities happening on that particular day. Factor in location, familiarity etc. You will be surprised how this helps you better control the rhythm and tempo of your day.
Schedule for Efficiency
Group appointments in the same area together. Build in errands or places you might want to go to along the way. This helps to optimise the use of your time.
Don’t Be Greedy
We pack things in for a variety of reasons, chiefly I suspect due to FOMO (fear of missing out). The times I’ve done that, most of the time, I remember feeling tired, disengaged and having zero recollection of what actually went on. Personally, this is the toughest one because so many activities compete for our attention. As the song goes, “Let it go, let it go”. It is really a context where quality beats quantity.
Triage Using the Eisenhower Box
“What is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important.” — Dwight Eisenhower
How many times have you scheduled / re-scheduled things because someone has marked the meeting as urgent, only later to realise the matter wasn’t that urgent or that your presence was actually not required? The Eisenhower box provides a great way to think about scheduling:
- URGENT AND IMPORTANT: Do the things that are urgent and important Review which appointments might fit in this category. Remember, other parties all hope their commitments are urgent and important to you.
- NOT URGENT BUT IMPORTANT: Schedule the things that not urgent and important (Time with yourself fits here, I would go on to say again, honour this first and consistently, it will pay healthy dividends down the road.)
- URGENT BUT NOT IMPORTANT: Question immediately if you are really the right person needed? If not delegate it to someone else
- NOT URGENT AND NOT IMPORTANT: Delegate, delegate, delegate!
To my fellow tardy sojourners, I hope this article has provided some food for thought. Not being late might not change the world, but it sure has improved my own.
