Photo by Ryzen Studio on Unsplash

Know Your Slogans

What if we actually took ads, and slogans literally.

I think we would have chaos and much more mental illness. What they mean to me.

The secret to a winning advertising campaign often lies with a great slogan.

  • McDonalds — “I’m Lovin’ It” — Hugging, hugging, hugging something forever. (Compulsion)
  • KFC — “Finger Lickin’ Good” — This brings to mind a obsession with licking your fingers all the time, all day long, forever. (Mental Illness)
  • Subway — “Eat Fresh” — Do you feel like you don’t with this slogan? You can’t eat everything as fresh as you want it. Hardly anything comes from farm to table anymore. Bugs and such. (Paranoia)
  • Kit Kat — “Have a Break, Have a Kit Kat” — What in Hell is a Kit Kat? Is it a small cat as in a kitten? And why would you break a kitten? (Psychosis)
  • Heinz — “Beanz Meanz Heinz” — This sounds like German/Nazi marching orders or something. Concentration camp vibes. (Psychosis)
  • Skittles — “Taste the Rainbow” — Sticking your tongue out all day, turned to the sky and tasting it. (Obsession)
  • Rice Krispies — “Snap! Crackle! Pop!” — This sounds like joints in old age. I know they make the sound in the bowl, but . . .Snap, crackle, pop hurts. (Elderly symptoms)
  • Nike — “Just Do it” — Depends on what it is. You can’t just do anything but they say you can and don’t even think twice about. (Stalker, killer, abductor)
  • Apple — “Think Different” — I think they need to get their sentence structure and/or edit team to focus on this. Shouldn’t it be “Think Differently”? Bad English bothers me. They need a new one. And I don’t know they’re so different.(Indifference)
  • L’Oreal — “Because you’re worth it” — This has always confused me. Does it mean I get to pay more for the product because . . . or Does it mean it will change my worth therefore my life? C’mon now! That comes from within not without. (Namaste)
  • Coca-Cola — “Open Happiness” — Used to be there was actual cocaine in Coca-Cola products. Maybe this is left-over from bygone years. Now, this means “open a bottle of sugar” and give yourself a sugar spike.
  • Dunkin’ Donuts — “America runs on Dunkin” — The visual I get is everyone running around dunkin’ for cover. (Sniper shootings at outdoor events, school shootings, etc.) Makes sense, right!

More to come

  1. 7 Up — The Un-cola — I guess the happiness of Coca-Cola had to be opposite — unhappiness. Since Coca-Cola is happiness I guess this isn’t. (Depression)
  2. ABC’s Wide World of Sports — The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. This one is easy to envision even if I had not seen the WWS ad on the TV with the guy falling and losing his skies because nobody can stop him while he is careening down the mountainside. That’s not sports, that’s watching somebody either die or get horribly hurt. More than the agony of defeat. (Pain and Death)
  3. Adidas — impossible is nothing — Don’t get anything but confusion with this. If I had done some impossible things in this life I don’t think I had Adidas on. (Confusion)
  4. Ajax — Stronger than dirt — For some reason a Genie comes to mind and just magically cleans it. (Happiness)
  5. Alka Seltzer — I can’t believe I ate the whole thing — It used to be “Oh, what a relief it is” which makes more sense for product description then this one. Gluttony makes you miserable but never stops anyone from eating the whole thing, no matter what it is. Who cares what you eat when you eat the whole thing, which is everything.( Bloated)
  6. American Express — Don’t leave home without it — This has changed to be more modern “Don’t live life without it.” That covers everything. It can do everything you need. What more do you want? (Endless happiness of the material mind.)

We could go on forever with this because there are so many slogans for so many companies. There are slogans I like and there are ingenuous logos. Advertising is fun. It has a lot to do with psychology and being able to touch the correct audience. Same with writing. You have to know who your audience is and play to them.

Happiness is knowing your audience.